CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, July 3, 2019)
BENEATH THE SOUTHERN DESERT – Little Timmy, pup reporter, the Professor, and the small strike force are gathered deep in the tunnels of The Cyber near the southern border. Timmy shakes his head and says, With incoming tweets exploding everywhere, we are going to have a tough time making it to the capital. Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance potluck, gets to her feet and says, The autocrat will continue his barrage, no question. It is a key offense and defense. Boris, genial triple agent, throws a stone against one of the oozing-wet tunnel walls, and says, He ees only one man. With luck we can make it through anything he throw up. Timmy says, Yeah, but it’s very dangerous. You saw the impact of those PRESIDENTIAL HARRASSMENT!! bombs. Sarah says, Boris is right – but the autocrat never attacks alone, he mobilizes his hoards making it foolhardy to try and break through the collective onslaught. At that point, metallic caterwauling echoes through the tunnels. TREEEZONK, TREEEZONK! TREEEZONK! The professor says, Quick, behind this rock outcropping. The group shields itself just moments before a massive army of shiny, silvery beans rolls by through the tunnel. Bean after bean after bean. The beans chant in unison, TREASON! TREASON! Witch Hunt! Witch Hunt! No More Do Overs! No Collusion! No Collusion. The parade of beans seems endless, rolling on and on by the hundreds of thousands. No Obstruction! No Obstruction! We are booming! We are booming! Lock them up! Lock them up! The glittering formations of beans roll by, eventually heading around the far bend in the tunnel, aiming, it seems, for Texas and environs. Timmy slumps back against the wet, rocky tunnel wall. Geez, he says, that was incredible. Sarah says, This is what we are up against. The autocrat has an infinite array of bots, armies of bots. Boris says, These were Roosian models. I recognize. Sarah says, Yes. They parrot everything the autocrat says. There is no thought, only code. The autocrat sets the tone and the message and his army of bots amplifies everything until the screeching becomes unbearable. Mohammed says, Beans are bots? Sarah says, Oh yes. They are polished beans. The autocrat requires a shiny, germ-free finish. Each bot will now target devotees within the autocrat’s cult, who in turn, will spread the message here and topside, across the landscape. A volley of tweets whines by, and disappears down the tunnel. Loud booms are heard, reverberating back and dislodging clumps of ooze from the ceiling. Liar! Liar! rolls in from some invisible source. The shouts of Liar! soon grow louder. Boris looks worried. He says, They have found a victim. Timmy says, I don’t want to see it. Sarah says, The autocrat will always find his victims because he will victimize at will and the cult and the bots will then swarm like Dermestid beetles feeding on the helpless bodies of men and women and children who think someone will save them. No one will save them. The Professor has been listening intently. He shakes his head. These beetles, they are more like dung beetles, he says. They live in the balls of shit, carefully slathering more shit atop until the shit is everywhere and the dung beetle burrows into his new home. Sarah says, Interesting. – Wednesday, July 3, 2019