CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, July 29, 2020)
OWEGO IA – Herm, Herm, Ruthie shouts from the back door of the farmhouse. Herman! Get in here! Your gonna miss the president on the Facebook show. Herman stops digging for a moment, his face red and wet with exertion. Now dang it all, Ruthie, you know I gotta get these cadavers in the ground! They’re gonna start smelling like a pig pen in the wink of a crow’s eye. Ruthie shouts, The president’s gonna be on and I got some hot gruel on the stove. Herm mutters to himself. Ruthie! he shouts. After I got the day’s dead in the ground, I’ve gotta take the tin cans to the recycling, we got close to $3 in refunds. Then if’n I can get that old jalopy going, I’m gonna head down to the CVS and get us a new batch of demon sperm. Pastor says we can get enough so when they come to force the shots on us, they can’t keep us from Jesus. Herman! Ruthie shouts again. Your gruel is getting cold. The president is on the Facebook. The demon sperm can wait a bit and recyclings now running round the clock, so many picking the countryside clean of cans and bottles. Lordy. Herman grouses to himself, throws down the shovel, steps over Clevon, dead for three days, and stomps to the farmhouse. Goldang, woman! he says. We need some money. I got $3 in tin cans burning a hole in the pickup. Plus, the 50 cent per body is a powerful lot. Ruthie says, Sit down and shovel some gruel. It’s time for the president. The couple sits in the farmhouse, scraping their gruel from their bowls. The president begins. I’ll tell you Donald says, his disembodied voice coming from a screenshot depicting him scowling on the phone, I’ve come through for you on every single thing. Ruthie says, That’s so true and we are happy you are here in our kitchen. Donald says, I love you. We’re making America great again again. Herm mops up his gruel with a saltine. Donald says, Remember, they don’t mind if low-income housing is built in a neighborhood, in a beautiful suburb of Iowa, but a beautiful suburb anywhere in the country. They want low, and this has been going on for years, Obama made it much worse, as you know, and now they want Cory Booker to run that program, Cory Booker of New Jersey, Newark, New Jersey, to run that program and make it many times worse than it is right now. Sure you want beautiful homes. People have gone to the suburbs, they want the beautiful homes, they don’t have to have a low-income housing development built in their community, which is going to reduce, which has reduced the prices of their homes, and also increased crime substantially. So remember, Vote and Iowa will be so great forever. Ruthie says, Hermie, I’m scared. Who’s Cory Booker? Is he going to bring the Black Lives and their Auntie Pho here? Herm says, I don’t know, but I’ll check the fence perimeter when I go out to sell the tin cans and see if there are any stores open in town. If there are, maybe I can get us some bread. – July 29, 2020