CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, February 26, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald pulls the ties on his wrapper tight and falls into the recliner in the Executive Lounge. He reaches for the remote, knocking an empty box of tissues to the floor and spilling a half-empty can of Hype Energy. It is a small can. Not much drains out. Shit! says Donald. Where the fuck is the remote? Hector! Hector, who has plugged into a new niche carved out near the recliner and away from the advancing mound of debris at the rear of the lounge, silently unplugs, walks over, and hands Donald the remote from beneath a small accumulation of Mexican beneath the sidetable. There is a knock on the door. Come, Donald says. The door swings open and Mike worms his way on his belly across the floor to Donald’s feet. Oh Sire! he enthuses. Sire! What a joy to see your happy face! Your return is our sun and our blessing and a gift from god! He reaches for Donald’s rancid toe, covered now by a rotting slime, and begins to enthusiastically suck with squishing noises and what sounds like numerous piglets pulling on the teats of a great beached sow. Donald says, Swallow! Dammit! Swallow! Mike swallows with a broad smile. Donald says, Rise. Mike scrambles to his feet. Oh, Majesty, he says, Mother and I have longed for your return. She just facetimed me from the spa in Vegas. Our pastor, who is with her, exploring the firmness of your base, sends his warmest welcome as well. Donald says, Fucking Azar. What the fuck? Mike cocks his head and arches a brow. He says, Highness is displeased? Donald says, Get fucking Kudlow in here. I want to know what you boneheads have been doing with this fucking virus. Azar is like a fucking clown. What is he doing talking about we got 30 million masks and need 300 million? What the fuck? We got 15 cases in the US. What is he talking about? I want Kudlow in here, now! What the fuck is he doing to the markets? I’m gone for a couple of days and the whole fucking place goes up in smoke. What a bunch of morons. Donald is fuming. His face is flushed. He crosses his arms over his chest. Mike looks gloomy. He says, Highness is displeased? Donald says, Didn’t we get rid of all these so-called doctors and their voodoo years ago? So why do we have any CDC people on the teevee at all? They should not be here. They shouldn’t even be in the country. They are all tainted. With the Ebola, remember that? Remember the Ebola? They kept bringing the doctors in with the Ebola. That is not gonna happen here. We’ve only got 11 cases. No deaths! No deaths! Obama had em dropping like shithole flies. We’ve got no deaths and 8 supposed cases, which may not even be cases and Kudlow has fucked up the market! I want the market up. Get me Kudlow! We are not gonna let this go on based on rumors of maybe 2 or 3 cases on a cruise ship somewhere in the Pacific. I’m telling you Mike, if Kudlow doesn’t do his job, he’s gonna follow Azar out the door. What is the matter with you people? What is the fucking matter? – Wednesday, February 26, 2020