CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, December 12, 2018)
Donald is sitting in the Oval talking on his cell. He says, So then I got them to admit they are going to force me to shut down the government because they won’t pay for border security, okay. What morons! Complete morons! This hag and her scumbag friend think they can put one over…. There is a knock on the door. Donald shouts, Do not enter! He continues into the phone: So they don’t want to keep things going smooth, with the money, they don’t want it! And… There is another knock. Donald says, Some moron is knocking. I’ll call you back. Donald scowls and barks, Enter! The door opens and Donald’s new chief-of-staff intern walks in followed by a girl. Timothy says, I am so sorry sir, but I thought you might want to meet the new housekeeper, Sarahcita. Donald looks at her. He says, Well you are a very attractive young woman, particularly in that maid’s uniform. Very good chest. Very nice with the push ups and the short little skirt and the bare thighs. Sarahcita says, Thank you, señor, Mr. Timmy said you would find the uniform exciting. Donald says, Well, that’s fine. But can you do the work? Sarahcita says, Si. Donald says, Turn around and pick up that empty bag of cheese doodles off the low table and place it on the floor. Don’t bend your knees! Sarahcita performs. Donald watches very closely as she bends low. Donald says, Nice, very nice. Are you a citizen of the United States? Sarahcita says, I don’t know. She speaks to Timmy in an incomprehensible gibberish. Timmy says, Okay. She says your manager at Bedminster is pulling together her documents and she should have them as soon as they come from the printer. Donald says, Oh, alright, no rush. Turn around and pick that bag up off the floor and place it on the low table. Sarahcita performs the task, again without bending her knees. Donald watches intently. He says, Excellent. I want you to come back around 1 this morning. There will be a few activities I want you to engage in, cleaning up and so forth, in the Executive Lounge, which is a very important part of the White House, which is a very imporant place, and where I perform all of my most important tasks. There are many things on the floor that must be picked up. I want you to make sure you wear your official uniform. Sarahcita says, Yes sir. Donald says to Timmy, Hold on. I want to tell you what a great idea it was to force those bozos from Congress to argue in front of the teevee. That was a great idea I had that you said. I think we’re gonna work well together, particularly now that Kelly has had second thoughts and plans to stay on. I told him to stay on, actually, stay on and finish the work for once, which he never does. You keep close to him and report back to me everything he says and does, or better yet, have your new hire, this Sarahcita here, have her bring me all the information, whenever there’s information to bring, day or night. You two are gonna be my eyes and ears and other body parts seeking out hot information wherever it may be. Now go. Timmy and Sarahcita say, Thank you, in unison, and leave.
— Wednesday, Dec. 12, 2018