CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, April 3, 2019)
WASHINGTON — Donald lies back on the recliner in the executive lounge and switches on the teevee. He says, Hooo boy, Stevie, we cracked some nuts today. Ha ha ha. Stephen reaches for a chip and says, Busted, sir, they’re busted. Donald fast forwards past Jens Stoltenberg and says, Okay, Stevie, here’s the good part where I tease em about closing the border and I tell em that Mexico is finally doing its fucking job as a country. But, Stevie, it isn’t enough. Mexico is a country. That’s what I’m saying. Stephen takes another chip, dips it in the guac, and says, A country. There shouldn’t be any other countries touching us. Donald says, Dirty. But look I tell the Fake News™ that Mexico is stopping the other guys from somewhere else from coming into our country. Many people are saying that now. And border patrol has done an incredible job, but the system is absolutely maxed out. And it’s a very unfair thing. So Mexico has, as of yesterday, made a big difference. You’ll see that — because few people, if any, are coming up. And they say they’re going to stop them. Let’s see. They have the power to stop them. They have the laws to stop them. And what we have to do is Congress has to meet quickly and make a deal. I could do it in 45 minutes. We need to get rid of chain migration. We need to get rid of catch and release and visa lottery. And we have to do something about asylum. And to be honest with you, you have to get rid of judges. Stephen says, Get rid of judges. Hell, they just gum up the courts. It’s unbelievable anybody could think these judges do anything but muck up the system. And corrupt! Donald says, Tell me. You have to bring them through a court system. If they touch your land — one foot on your land: “Welcome to being Perry Mason. You now have a big trial.” So what they’ve done over the years is they release them into the United States and they say, “Come back in four years for a trial.” And nobody comes back. And the Dems like that because they want the open borders and the crime and the disease. So we’re gonna shut it down if they don’t do the easy deal. Stephen reaches for some more chips. He says, These doom-and-gloom guys saying that all the American car makers use parts made in Mexico, they don’t know what they’re talking about. I guarantee that you’re not going to destroy the American car industry. You will save it through purification. Donald says, You know they say necessity is the mother and the baby is what the great American worker can make and he throws out the bathwater but who the hell would not throw out the bathwater? Stephen dips his chip in the guac. He pauses. He says, And don’t believe that all the avocados come from Mexico. Nobody believes that. How could anybody believe that? Donald says, We’ll exempt the avocado pickers. You don’t just throw out something like a blanket. Like the bathwater thing. You’re selective. Avocado pickers. The taco makers, the ones who do the in the shell crunchy ones. Anything else? Stephen says, I don’t think so. Donald says, Here’s the thing – what’s the point of Mexico? — Wednesday, April 3, 2019