CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, April 29, 2020)
EXCLUSIVE!!
The CSI: American Carnage I-Team has obtained the first draft of the letter penned by Donald J. Trump, president of the United States, to recipients of government stimulus checks appropriated by congress and mailed out by the IRS, as mandated by law.
The draft text reads:
Greetings:
It is My pleasure to bestow upon you my Economic Impact Payment to You, a fellow great American, who has watched as we have broken every record, more records, than other people, and our ratings, which, even though our great country is experiencing a Chinese virus, and the lies spread by the Democrat Party, which have created a global pandemic, which, as you know, I always said was a pandemic, way before the Chinese invented it, and we Built the Wall early on, very very early, so that the border looks great now, perfect, and Mexico has put over 33,000 troops on the border, keeping out the MS13 and the illegals, the rapists, killers, and other folks, who are not getting this check, no checks for the illegals, I can tell you that because our Great Law Enforcement and the Second Amendment are hard at work under my direction – Thank You to ALL!! – and even though the Democrat Party is working overtime to kill our great country, we are here to protect you as our top priority, so, and we are working round the clock, and I always work for you, to wage the total war against this invisible enemy who is working his way among you, crawling on the ground, fighting on the beeches, and the streets, and has forced us into a temporary setback, backed by Sleepy Joe, who won’t even come out of his cave, like I knew he wouldn’t, I knew he wouldn’t because he will fall down if he tries to walk without his walker, and you don’t need me to tell you that you paid for that, but I don’t even take a salary, you know that, and a wage, which has its own wage, but there is support from us for you, because, look, we have the Space, a Lot of Space, that’s what this COUNTRY is all about, one of the many things, and we have given you a way to protect it with the Space Force, and I’ll be talking about that at West Point when I give their Big speech, like I said I would when they Begged me to do it, and I said sure, I am honored to be there with the greatest students, because they have the Brains to understand what We are doing, they don’t care about the musical instruments, the ORGAN, whatever, they are all about the Genius of America, and so they asked me, and I will deliver your thanks, the thanks of all of you who live in this Great Country, Incredible Country full of our Beloved OLDER Patriots.