CSI: American Carnage (Wednesday, April 24, 2019)
SUNLAND NM — The ringmaster taps his walking stick on the fairway. He looks up at the rattling roller coasters and then directly at Mohammed, Timmy’s friend recently rescued from vigilantes. The ringmaster opens his dark eyes wide. They are black pools sloshing on his white, painted face. He breaks into a big smile that runs from ear to ear, like a ditch, and says, Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome! Fremde, etranger, stranger. Gluklich zu sehen. Je suis enchante. Happy to see you. Bleibe, reste, stay. We have the world’s most brazen nudist colony here, you must take it all in! He taps his stick. Come! No use permitting some prophet of doom wipe every smile away. Come. Come. Come taste the wine. Come hear the band. Come blow that horn. Start celebrating right this way. Your table’s waiting. The band is poised. The show will begin. The lights are always on or off! Mohammed looks at the Professor. He looks at Timmy. And follows. The ringmaster pirouettes and says, But first the nudists! They will show all! They are the most beautiful. They are active! They entice. They squirm. They swarm. Delicious! Just look through this spy glass. Mohammed puts his eye to the glass and looks. He says, Why, why this is an ant colony! The ringmaster taps his stick and laughs. Ha ha ha! Leave you thoughts outside! So – life is disappointing? Forget it! We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful. The girls are beautiful. Even the orchestra is beautiful! Ha ha ha! We have no orchestra – only nudists. Care to grab them by the pussies? Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen! Guden Abend, bon soir. We geht’s? Comment ca va? Do you feel good? I bet you do! Ich bin euer Confrecier. Je suis votre compere. I am you host! Und sagen, Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome! He parts a curtain and the strike force enters a smoky room with tables. A small stage is at the front. The ringmaster hops on the stage and stretches out an inviting arm and a blond woman with no face stumbles out from the wing. My eyes! she says. A short, plump little man comes out bearing a pillow with two eyeballs on it. She accepts them with a smile and pops them in. My ears! she says. The little man reaches in his pocket and produces two ears. She snaps them on. Nose and lips follow. My tongue! The little man unlocks a steel case and reaches inside with a pair of iron tongs, withdrawing a slippery and wildly wiggling flap of moist, thick skin. He flips it at the woman who opens her mouth and catches it. The little man bows and leaves the stage to the applause of the strike force. The blond woman turns to the audience and says, very fast, The president says that because he’s known from the beginning that there was no collusion there can be no collusion, which we all know and that there’s no criminal conspiracy between the president’s campaign and the Kremlin to try , try, try and corrupt and spread this information about our elections and that was an essential premise, which the president knows is not true and has said is not true from the beginning, which in July of ’16, no intent, no collusion, no many other things, and some other things, which are all false as has been determined by our probe of what has not been said or investigated, and many of those in the previous administration knew what the Russians were trying to do, and they did not do anything so the point is why didn’t they, why didn’t they do a thing? They left it all to this president who has now been completely exonerated by the prosecutor because, as you all know, the job of a prosecutor is not to convict, the job is not to prosecute, the job of a prosecutor is to gather evidence and make some decisions about where to go with what the evidence is and where it leads and the direction of that and we all know he declined to indict. The president is not going anywhere. That’s where the evidence leads. He’s going to stay in the White House for many more years. Why? Because they found no crime, no conspiracy, no intent, no purpose, no point, no desire, no, no, no, no thought. That was the essential premise. That’s what everybody, that’s what everybody, everybody said, dozens of times, hundreds of times, in twitter, on twitter , off twitter, on teevee, which is twitter with words and visuals, and especially there. Not only was obstruction of justice not found, that there was complete compliance, so as the attorney general said, the sheer compliance, the millions of pages of documents, the 500 witnesses, the 2800 subpoenas, the $25 million of taxpayer money, the 82.7 million trees cut down and pulped to create the paper to print the report on, the two years of doing this, that they were never interfered or impeded. The ringmaster comes on stage. He taps his stick. The blond woman rises. The strike force stares. She bows. The curtain closes over her, leaving the ringmaster. He says, Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome! Fremde, etranger, stranger. Gluklich zu sehen. Je suis enchante. Happy to see you! Bleibe, reste, stay. — Wednesday, April 24, 2019