CSI: American Carnage (Vintage Edition)
Because posting will be somewhat sporadic over the next several days, The Editors have decided to rummage through the files and retrieve a vintage memory. This report dates from January of 2017.
Donald stands before a mirror. He says, My fellow Americans, and by the way, we are gathered here together in this great city where so many great Americans have gathered, but not recently, not for many years, this has been the city where the stupid people gathered, and the really, really bad ones, the ones that want to burn and kill, and no, I’m not talking about my blacks and my Mexicans, and no I’m not talking about the women, because many of them are beautiful, and it doesn’t matter what race you are, although, women from Europe are very, very beautiful, and very giving, and that’s the way America should be, we should be giving, like my friend, very good friend of mine, Kim Kardashian, a great woman, a star, very rich, a mother, a wife, who is married to one of my blacks, by the way, and who has not let all the hot air that blows around you, and don’t forget, we are looking into wind power, that is going to be something we pay attention to, and solar, but we won’t abandon coal, we are going to bring coal back, like we brought the air conditioning back, and didn’t let it go to Mexico, so the coal will not go to Mexico, because, for one thing, there will soon, very soon, sooner than you think, be a wall that will stop the bleeding, stop the hemorrhaging, and keep us safe from the gangs of marauders who are doing whatever they can to get in, and the very dumb people who run this country just welcome them in and they don’t even know who they are or what is going on, and we know why, don’t we, we know that the lying, dishonest media is behind all of this, but don’t worry any more, it’s not a problem because we are going to deal with these dishonest fakers, bing, bing, bing, these so-called people who look at something and make up what they see, which usually is tearing down Trump and this great country, but those days are over folks, believe me, because Donald J. Trump is not going to put up with that disgraceful crap, no way, and you wouldn’t want me to, and by the way, one reason they are such liars is that they are all, or a lot of them are on drugs, which we are going to take care of, we are going to find out which of these media are doing drugs and the other ones, we are going to kick them out of the White House, which is what they deserve, you know, they don’t deserve to be in the White House because, you know, they don’t have the beauty and the stature and the honesty to lick Kellyanne’s shoe. Donald stops. He looks in the mirror at his own reflection. He says, Not bad. We are going to take care of things on Friday.
— Jan. 17, 2017