CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, November 13, 2018)
Washington. Donald and Stephen relax in the Executive Lounge. Rain is apparently falling outside, but thick curtains are pulled tight over the windows, as always, and the heat is on full blast. Donald ramps up the tivo and they begin watching one of his favorite videos, the Evansville rally last August. Donald says, Check this out, and think about it from like now, from where we are, okay, this is the part where I make the crypton remark, lemme fast forward, here we go, here I am, waving, here is the crowd, look at that, Oh, and the dumb woman, what a pig, she tried to interrupt, look at her, what a disgrace, and here she makes a disgusting gesture at the president of the United States, but watch, they grab her, they hustle her out, she’s screaming like Magoo when he got hustled out, like a stuck pig, and what did I say, I remember, you probably don’t, I say, Where the hell did she come from? Like where the hell, and this is a good part, the crowd starts shouting, Lock her up! Lock her up! So many woman, it’s such a useful chant, and then I pivot, okay, they are with me, because they want the criminals in the government out of the government, they want them out of there, and listen to me, I say that all I can say is our Justice Department and our FBI, at the top of each because inside they have incredible people, our Justice Department and our FBI have to start doing their job and doing it right because what’s happening is a disgrace and at some point — I wanted to stay out — but at some point if it doesn’t straighten out properly … I will get involved, which is like softening them up, prepping the dough, working it, and then when it’s ready, tossing it out the fucking window in the middle of the night which is when nobody, nobody expects it, like I did, I did that, and, this is, and it’s like what Hannity says when anybody asks, promises made, promises kept. Stephen says, That was an incredible rally. Really unbelievable. Donald pauses the tivo. He says, That reminds me, I gotta dump what’s her face, get rid of her, like I told that guy at dinner in the Paris or wherever. Stephen says, Who? Michelle Obama? Get rid of her? Donald says, You know that’s a very good idea, fire her fucking black ass, I could do it on the teevee, she could come in and make her case, and I’d seem to be listening, and when she ran out of shit to say, I’d say, You’re fired! That would make for great teevee. Kelly! Kelly! Donald twists around in the lounger as Kelly emerges from the bathroom, mop in hand. He removes his slicker and rain hat. Donald says, Get another coke, willya, and tweet that what’s her face is out the fucking door, the alleged protector of our national fucking security who can’t put out a fucking fire or catch one fucking camel from a massive caravan. Kelly says, We need Kirstjen. There’s no one else. Donald says, You don’t need nobody but me, okay, and get the fucking troops down to Florida. And the ones in Texas, maybe get em to Arizona to knock some sense into those invisible voters and the idiot election people.
— Tuesday, Nov. 13, 2018