CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, June 4, 2019)
LONDON — Get Nigel in here, Donald says on his cell, and we’ll give him a little lesson on how to stick it to the Eurothieves. Bobo says, we already pay the buggers 350 million pounds a week. Donald says, No respect, they don’t got no respect, which is ridiculous. You and Nigel come over and we’ll give the Fake News™ something they can talk about. On second thought, Don’t come over. That will give them even more to talk about. Tell em that you’re focusing on the business of Britain, whatever the hell that is. Stick it to em. Tell em you haven’t got time to meet with the President of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump. Tell em that. You see the crowds? Never crowds like that for Obama. Tell em you’ll turn your people. That’ll get their panties in a bunch, like the old lady with the withered bazooms – they’re like old carrots hanging down there with hairs coming out. Geezus. Fucking Brits. Hairy. With the little boxes on the heads. What’s with the boxes with the birds? Only a fucking Brit would want bird shit on the head. What’s with you people? You ask for chips and the guy comes back with a bag of fries and a cup of mayo and says it’s continental. Donald gives a deep sigh. He says, Tell Nigel to put a hold on the conference, okay. We got do something about the terrorist loser and his fucking balloon. Mr. Party Pants has to have his fucking balloon. But you know what? Bobo says, What? Donald says, Only Donald J. Trump is big enough for something like a fucking balloon in the sky. Everybody knows who I am. Everybody knows that I command respect. They should put the balloon in a tux, that’s what I’m saying. A tux. But they don’t want to do that. It doesn’t matter because they will be coming to me to get the Chinese money to pay for their stuff once we get the Brexit through. Then the shoe will be on the other foot and it’ll be the goddamn London mayor hoisted up and paraded through the fucking city and nobody will know who he is or give a good goddamn. – Tuesday, June 4, 2019