CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, July 7, 2020)
THE CENTRAL PLAINS — Deep beneath the empty central plains, where once bustling towns are now littered with bodies scavenged by wild dogs, where the out-of-gas tractors are manned by immobile skeletal remains slumped over steering wheels, and where farmhouses stand empty, waiting the return of those who are dead, the Dark One sits in the Memento Mori Mausoleum on the north end of the vast complex. My brother, he says, speaking to the jumble of bones at the far end of the room, it is good that you are here today. I have invited several of our old retainers, those full of wisdom and practical foresight to convene here, at this hour, to share with us their vision for the future of our land now run by the pseudo-vassal, the Gambler Showman, who is deep into his campaign resurrecting the old leaders of a foreign power. The bones are silent, as is their wont. The elder brother chuckles. He says, Bones are silent, as is their wont. He chuckles again. A screen on the wall shows a custom 747 landing at the airstrip above and within moments, the Dark One’s oldest advisors join him within the Mausoleum. Roger, says the Dark One, time has been cruel, has it not? Ailes staggers in, most of his corpse eaten away. He is followed by Rove, John Yoo, a band of Federalists wearing tunics of mail and heavy leather, the Schlapps grinning foolishly, their tin cups hanging from their belts, and sundry others. They all gather in the nave, which has often served as a conference area. The Dark One looks over the group. He says, It is a pity Atwater could not join us, nor dear Robert Welch, such a source of deep-wisdom talking points for Father. But let us make haste, there is much to do. The Gambler Showman, for all his faults, has proven a blessing in many ways, most recently with these so-called PPP relief programs which have served to speed return of a portion of our stolen billions. Mnuchen will be along a bit later to discuss payoffs and drop points; he is picking up my brother’s dry cleaning. As you know, never in history has there been a greater prolonged theft than the theft perpetrated on us over the decades, if not the centuries. Ailes shouts out, Centuries! in a raspy voice . He then falls into a fit of coughing and hacking. The Dark One says, Indeed. Our mission is to ensure that the train keeps rolling on. For all his faults, the Gambler Showman offers the best possibility for that. The Old Warrior Biden is sturdy and long-lived, with a few good years left in him. Rove shouts, He is as reliable as dripping water. The Dark One says, Yes, that is true. But the cut taken by the Gambler Showman is smaller. He is satisfied with leavings, and despite our differences with the current Eastern Despot, his control of the Gambler Showman is a marvel. Therefore we are here to construct winning themes for the continuation of the Showman’s rule. Gentlemen? A fog of inaudible murmuring rises from the nave. The Dark One looking out says, Matt? Schlapp gets up and says, We believe the current wave of mass death offers a unique opportunity for branding. We are now on the cusp of exiting the Obama-Biden wave, stoked by the Chinese and their hundreds of thousands of disease-ridden army peasants who entered through the southern border. Thanks to the president’s shrewd efforts to build the wall, the disease vectors have been denied entry and the death rate is now the best death-rate anywhere. He has also worked tirelessly to provide distribution, at last, of our hydroxychloroquine, which has saved countless lives, despite efforts of the Obama-Biden-Clinton gang to stop distribution and let Americans die. Rove says, That is an excellent summation, weaving all points together. I endorse Matt’s analysis, heartily. One of the leather-suited Federalists says, And what of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson? What of Christopher Columbus? They are under threat as well, and the president has vowed to stand with them. The Dark One says, It is important to retain a threat. The Gambler Showman’s blacks are a blessing to us all, but there are the other blacks, the blacks of black on black crime, the blacks of thuggery and anarchy, the blacks who are poor and the blacks who are dissatisfied and want a fair shake. Father warned us of these blacks, many of them are disease ridden. As the campaign progresses, they will be useful in keep those who back the Gambler Showman happy with their pitiful lot. — July 7, 20202