CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, July 23, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Stevie, Stevie, how many fucking times do I gotta tell ya, don’t squirrel away the guac, okay. Give it the fuck here. Stephen, gets up from the side chair and brings the bowl of guac to Donald, who is lying on the recliner in the Executive Lounge. Donald says, Get me one of them Chubby Bubbles on the counter there. Stephen steps around the garbage can near the fridge and brings the Chubby Bubble over to Donald. Donald says, You want one? They’re great. Hec put em in the bathtub. Stephen goes into the bathroom, grabs a bottle and returns to his spot on the side chair. Donald is watching his presser with Khan. Khan speaks about fighting wars. Donald mutes the teevee. He says, You know, this guy Khan is not so angry. They always portray him as angry and going after us. But he’s not. He’s a very accomplished gentleman. Many people don’t know that. He wrestled a crocodile to death when he was a little baby, a baby. Then he made tea from sewer gas, which they got a lot of, I believe. They say it was good tea. He was using the email like 40 years ago in the 1980s. Most people didn’t know about the email till a few years ago. He spent many days in the jungle and then took a bath in the Himalayas, which is outstanding. Outstanding. Stephen says, You’re talking about Modi, right? Donald says, That’s not Khan? Because he was shot out of the space cannon. I’m pretty sure. And angry. So angry. They say he was wrathful, although I haven’t seen that. Stephen says, Khan is the one who is always straight. Donald says, That’s what I’ve been saying. Very honest. Respects Our Great Country. They asked me to intercede, which I may do. Here’s where I’m talking about it. Donald unmutes and watches himself filling the screen, a large 72-inch OLED depicting a White House mise-en-scene with Donald in the middle, talking. Donald pauses the show for a moment and says, That’s a helluva tie I got on there. Blue doesn’t make it, Stevie. Just doesn’t. Looks good, though, with the shoes. Looks good when what’s his face isn’t even wearing a tie. Can you believe it? Stephen says, No. No way. Donald unmutes the teevee just as he’s saying that the meeting is going to be a great meeting. He says to Khan, I know that it’s an important meeting. I consider this a very important meeting because I think we haven’t met the potential of either country. I think the potential with Pakistan and likewise, the opposite way is vice versa, I think we have not even come close to meeting it. There is tremendous potential between our country and Pakistan. I think Pakistan is going to help us out to extricate ourselves. We’re like policemen. We’re not fighting the war. If we wanted to fight a war in Afghanistan and win it, I could win that war in a week. I just don’t want to kill 10 million people. Does that make sense to you? I don’t want to kill 10 million people. Khan stares at Donald, who goes on: I have plans on Afghanistan that, if I wanted to win that war, Afghanistan would be wiped off the face of the Earth. It would be gone. It would be over in — literally, in 10 days. And I don’t want to do — I don’t want to go that route. So we’re working with Pakistan and others to extricate ourselves. Khan continues to stare. Stephen says, It would be really easy. Donald says, Being president is not easy, Stevie, there are tough, tough decisions ya gotta make, like, every day on a daily basis. Every single day.