CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, April 9, 2019)
WASHINGTON — Devin knocks on the door of the executive lounge where Donald is watching some teevee with Stephen. Donald says, Come! Devin enters and drops to one knee in front of the recliner. My liege, he says, the warmth of your radiance shines brightly like a halo of hot beans swirling in perpetuity above your noble mien. Donald says, Rise. Devin takes Donald’s hand an kisses the fingers, long and hard. Donald wipes off the spittle and says, Why are you here? Me and Stevie here are watching the Triumph of Grand Rapids. You know, Dinesh is going to make a movie of me and the whole movement. You know Dinesh, right? Very smart guy, very brilliant, Ivy League, though not top-of-the-line Ivy League. Dartmouth is kinda off the rack, but good, some very smart people went to Dartmouth, and they’re working for me, some of them, a lot of them. Devin says, Sire, your movie sounds real good. Stephen says, It’s unbelievable. Leni’s movie won’t hold a candle to what he’s gonna do. Donald says, Dinesh is a tremendous moviemaker, absolutely tremendous, best ratings, top ratings, and beautiful. He showed the Richard Spencer, and how great he is, just great, you know, and with the sunsets, walking on the beach with the sunsets. Dinesh knows Hollywood completely. Devin says, That sounds real good, highness. Donald says, So why are you here? We’re doing research on the Grand Rapids thing, like I just fucking told you. Devin says, Sire, I wanted to tell you that the push is continuing on the Nobel Peace Prize thing. Mike has just passed along that there is an outpouring of love and affection for you here since you stood up to the invasion and prevented so much loss of life by turning back the infestation and removing the bugs, that thing. Donald says, You know, we need The Wall. Stephen says, Of course we do. Absolutely. And now that you’re cleaning house, sir, you’re going to get The Wall. And so much more. Donald says, Yeah, I’m already fucking building it. We are pushing west from San Diego and that other place with the little thugs, the so-called infants with their so-called mothers. Stephen says, Calexico? Donald says, Yeah. That’s the place. And El Paso where the crazy hand-waver lives. You know, he’s gonna have to get out of El Paso if he wants to take on Trump. Trump rules all of Texas. Nobody fucks with Trump below the Missouri. Devin says, Sire, I’ve forwarded all the messages of love and respect to Moon and Abe and to the guys in Stalkhome. Why are they there, that’s what I wonder. Donald says, Because they don’t have the blacks in Sweden, everybody knows that. It’s too fucking cold even if they got the clean forests. Stephen says, Sir, speaking of the Nobel, I’ve got some orders here for you to sign that’ll take care of some of the southern border screw-ups the former Kirstjen made. Sign these and the Nobel is a sure thing. A war without death, that’s what you’re gonna be known for, or only a few deaths, which had nothing to do with you. It’s the neutron bomb of wars, you know. Donald says, What the hell does that mean? These neutron bombs are terrible. I told em to ditch the neutrons and go with the hydrogen totally. Nothing scares the shit out of people than a good size mushroom cloud, you know what I’m saying? Fuck the neutrons. Stephen says, No, no. This has nothing to do with that. These orders will take care of everything. Donald says, Where’s my special pen? I need my special pen. Stephen says, Sir, these are just the orders that’ll start things cooking. The special pen stuff is later in the Oval. — Tuesday, April 9, 2019