CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, April 2, 2019)
WASHINGTON — You were great, Jare, Donald says. Tremendous. Laura hit you every way she could, but you hung in there. Jare says, Because of your leadership the world is safer today. Donald says, Great line. Great line. I think the ratings were through the roof, way up there, and sexy, you got the sexy vote too. My baby doll, she thinks so. Mo thinks so. Everybody. Jare says, They don’t get it that you are pressuring everybody to get the deal. They don’t get it. Donald says, Nobody does leadership like Donald J. Trump, but you’re absolutely right – they don’t get it, they don’t get it. That’s what I told you, like before, in a previous conversation. Jare says, We keep em bottled up on the border stuff, we’re home free. They think this is something that needs a solution, and one of the things I love about you is, you don’t let people hide from problems. Donald gets up from his desk in the Oval, grabs a putter, and kicks the ball off the putting mat. He takes another ball from his pocket and drops it next to the hole and taps it in. Donald says, You see that? You see that? Nobody putts like Donald J. Trump. Nobody. Jare says, When there’s a problem, you make people confront the problem and you’re very creative about ways that you’ll look to find a solution. Donald says, You make the problem, you solve the problem, to get what you ought to have had which you made the problem to get at in the first place. I gotta say the border shit was brilliant. They eat it up. I’m like a soup kitchen for the problems. I just keep doling em out and they keep coming back. Can’t get enough of the problems, you know what I’m saying. Jare says, You could look at it and say that because the media’s been so distracted with Russia, Russia, Russia and all of these crazy conspiracy theories, we’ve been able to operate underneath that level and just be really effective. Donald drops another ball onto the mat next to the hole and taps it in. Donald says, Beautiful. Yeah, the Russia thing, Trump and Russia, it’s a made up thing. Ha ha ha. Mo close the deal yet? Jare says, We’re working on it. We’re almost there. Donald says, Okay. We can spin the border shit out forever. Nadler has got his panties in a bunch so we’re tickling him some more. They’re like little children, these dimwit Dems. Jare says, Mo has got some more names. Donald says, Okay, pass them along to Joey and the boys. We can handle it. I think now’s the time to hit hard on the Puerto Ricans. Bring em back for summer reruns. They’re bitching and bitching. Why should they get one more dime when decent American farmers are drowning? All the money’s going to the spics. We need it for our people right here in the USA. Jare says, I think that’ll play. Donald says, You’re damn right it will. I am the best demeanor. Everybody knows that. The best. He drops another ball directly into the hole. Donald says, You see that? You see that? Hole in fucking one! — Tuesday, April 2, 2019