CSI: American Carnage (Tuesday, April 16, 2019)
WASHINGTON — You gotta admit, Stevie, I was right, Donald says to Stephen. Donald settles into the recliner in the Executive Lounge. He pulls off his socks, grabs a dip knife from the side table, and scrapes out the green stuff under his big toe nail. He sniffs the knife and then smears it on a butter plate piled with old Cheese Nips. Stephen says, Absolutely. No question. I’ve ordered up a lot of buses. We are ready. Donald is apparently not listening. Stevie, he says, I was completely right. I told them, It’s horrible to watch the massive fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out. Must act quickly! Fucking fire. It fucked up all the shows. All the shows. At least Martha had Laffer on. Stephen says, Yes, sir, absolutely had Art Laffer on. He’s trying to shine a light on Obama’s role in the 2007 financial crisis. Donald says, Big role, big role, very big, and not only that, this Notre-Dame thing, you gotta wonder. This whole goddamn building is made of stone, you know what I’m saying? So you gotta wonder. Stephen says, Bill Donahue says it may not be an accident. He doesn’t know. Donald says, Nobody knows. Maybe its an accident, and maybe not. The point is that they didn’t bring in the water tankers, the flying ones, like I told em, and look at what you have left – a ruin, a pile of smoking shit. That’s what you have. If they had brought in the tankers, we wouldn’t be talking about this. I could have fixed it easily. 45 minutes. Stephen says, Bill is suspicious. He told them that last month, a 17th-century church was set on fire in Paris. We’ve seen tabernacles knocked down, crosses torn down, he says, and statues. Bill says the Eucharist is being destroyed and excrement smeared on crosses. It’s the Muslims. Donald says, You know, Stevie, I’ve been thinking about this. Stephen says, Yes, sir. Donald says, The Notre-Dame, at least this is what Neil says, you know, it’s very old, which a lot of people like, what do I know, it’s their thing, but it’s like ancient world stuff, right. Now the Muslims came in and tried to attack it. I’m not talking about the stuff last year or today or yesterday, but a long time ago. It was built to keep the Muslims out of France. So now it’s a ruin because they didn’t listen to me. So the question is, what’s gonna keep the Muslims out of France now? Stephen says, It’s a hell of a question, sir. And who is gonna keep the Iranians from their raids across the border? Only you, sir. Only you are capable. Donald says, We need more armor down there on the border. You know that. Now that we got rid of Christian or Kristen or Kirstjen or whatever, we can take real action. The burning of Notre Dame is not gonna defeat us in Mexico. Stephen says, We stand with the world. We are with them and if they listen, we will stay with them, in the world, because, sir, as you’ve always said, as long as we’re united, we will prevail. — Tuesday, April 16, 2019