CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, November 5, 2020)
“The Return of the Brother”
THE CENTRAL PLAINS – Deep beneath the stubbled fields, where warring voters move from cornfield to cornfield gnawing stunted and dried ears torn ravenously from withered stalks, where emaciated cats peer from the cracked sidewalks, and hungry dogs chew on corpses left outside in the Walmart dumpster, far below the scenes of waste and devastation, the Dark One sits within the Robert Welch Memorial Operations Center, the cold but beating heart of the vast central plains complex. He gazes at his brother, now standing before him, a miracle of holographic virtual reality, flashing and sparking and more animated than when he last walked the earth as a fleshly being. The Dark One smiles as his younger brother’s laser technology burns and crackles, sending his hair into a corona of electrons with a distinctly acrid smell. My brother, says the elder, what an astounding feat of resurrection! No sooner are you a pile of rotting flesh dripping on the marble tiles of the Memento Mori Mausoleum, than our splendid engineers set to work, bringing you back to me, for me alone, and, of course, for Father, who smiles down with his blessings. Oh! Remember when he first outlined his plan for ending the centuries-long theft and rape of all that is rightfully ours, but has been stolen, stolen by the servi and those who pander to them? What a thrill swept through me. And now you return, unkillable, undaunted, ready to resume relentless acquisition, which is, of course, the way of the natural world, and you are now returned to the natural world, albeit in a somewhat unnatural state. The younger brother’s eyes glow a florid red, and sparks issue from his nostrils. A small fire begins flaming from the top of his head, igniting financial records covered with data on a side table. The elder brother chuckles and spritzes the rising flames. The younger brother says, Of course I remember father’s plans. I am equipped now with blue tooth. Nothing escapes me, my brother. His brother chuckles and says, Since that is the case, let us get down to business. The Gambler Showman appears to be heading into his last act. The younger brother nods. He says, There are no last acts in the world of the Gambler Showman. The elder brother says, I have consulted the Eastern Despot who may be convinced to intervene with his vassal, providing protected passage along the Silk Road. The younger brother considers the situation. He says, Will the despot allow the passage or will he simply resort to the usual polonium-210, so favored by the KGB and its successors? Remember the Eastern Despot cut his teeth, so to speak, in the KGB. The elder says, Of course. The Despot understands that our development of energy resources off the road will continue, and we have sweetened his take by 8.9 percent. The younger brother says, Well done! You kept him under 10 percent! Have you been sojourning with the Jewish? The elder says, No, no, my brother. No Jews. Let us watch how the Gambler Showman plays this endgame. The Despot will assist if the violence becomes too exciting. Many doctors are ready to intervene. They chuckle.