CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, September 5, 2019)
WASHINGTON – The Times guy says, Where have they all gone? It is very late and the Off the Record bar is nearly empty. The Post guy takes a drink of his BrewDog and says, Home. Ha ha. No. You’re right. It’s not like the good old days. The Times guy is quiet for a moment and says, Back in the day, like a few months ago, you could always count on antics and absurdities pouring out. You could always count on Sean or Sarah to just make it up. Yeah says the Post guy. Remember the countless individuals who spontaneously called Sarah to tell her how happy they were that Donald fired Comey, the disgraced leaker and dirty cop? Or who could forget the inaugural crowd size fiasco. The Times guy says, There’s all that. But what about the antics? The insistence on the alternative facts? Or The Mooch. Remember when he called Reince a fucking paranoid schizophrenic who cock blocked him? Yeah, says the Post guy. Those were the days. Who could forget Steve? Poor Sloppy Steve probably shouldn’t have said Don Junior was guilty of treason. The Times guy laughs. Outa here. Then there’s Pruitt and Zinke and all the other grifters and thieves. Multiple stories a day. Where are they now? You got Joe Balash. The Post guy says, Yeah, pretty run of the mill grifter. Leaves after a couple of years as assistant secretary for land and minerals management and immediately joins Oil Search. Yeah says the Times guy, they’re itching to drill all over the North Slope wildlife refuge. The Post guy says, give em time. I’m sure Pruitt or the other grifter, DeVito, will give em tips on how its done. The Times guy says, But you know what I mean, not that long ago there was a lot of high-profile monkey business. One by one the players have gone. The Post guy says, Or they’ve been silenced. Even in Congress. Devin’s been mighty quiet. Now it’s all Donald all the time. Nobody muscles in on Donald’s air time. Nobody’s antics are more outrageous than Donald’s antics. Nobody talks on the camera except for Donald. Whether its putting out a doctored weather map or casually suggesting Mike stay at the Doonbeg resort – if he knows what’s good for him – or stiffing the military and stuffing congress on wall money – it’s all Donald, all the time. Nobody has more or bigger tweets. Nobody creates bigger public fantasies. Nobody sucks more air. And by shutting down the briefings in the White House press room, he forces everybody to shout over the thwacka-thwacka of the helicopter. So he picks and he chooses and disses and lies and moves on like some slow-moving reptile. Why so many lies? Why the Alabama nonsense? The Times guy says, Because it is really his own reality, that’s all that matters, and he is binding his followers. They cannot rely on any other information. They cannot listen to anybody else. They cannot doubt or question or waiver. It’s pretty simple, actually. The Post guy shakes his head and orders two more BrewDogs. The Times guy says, Thanks. – Thursday, September 5, 2019