CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, May 22, 2019)
WASHINGTON – The Times guy pushes his way into the Off the Record bar and sees the Post guy slumped at a table near the window. He walks over. Hey, mind if I join you? The Post guy says, Hell no. I do not. Pull it up. Barkeep! Two Brewdogs! The bartender puts down his dishrag and fetches the order. The Times guy grabs a chair, sits and says, So Donald says he doesn’t do cover ups. The Post guy says, Yeah. He’s been planning to say that for some time. They had the signs set up on the podium. The Times guy says, Yeah, I saw that. Preprinted signs for a spontaneous outburst of anger. So Washington. Donald had notes too. The Post guy says, Yeah. We shot them. The Times guy says, Really? The Post guy says, Yeah. He wrote out his talking points and carried them into the meeting with Chuck and Nancy. The Times guy says, What did they say? The Post guy pulls out his cell and says, I’ll show you. He finds the photo of notes in Donald’s hand. The paper has printed block letters in thick black ink, Donald’s vertical scrawl. The Times guy looks. The notes read, They want to impeach me over acts that they did and Dems have no achomlishments. The Times guy says, No, he didn’t. Did he? The Post guy says, Yes, he did. The Times guy takes a long pull on his Brewdog. His head drops to the table and he begins to bang it slowly. The Post guy grows alarmed. He says, Hey, hey, hey, buddy. We’re gonna get through this together. Don’t worry. Look, Donald has not only passed Nixon on the potential wrong-doing front, he’s now rivaling Nixon on the speech front. Today was historic. Remember in 1973, Nixon tells the nation, I am not a crook. Today, Donald tells the nation, I don’t do cover ups. Memorable! The Times guy lifts his head. Yeah, true. These guys are too much. Remember in ‘98, Clinton says, I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Ha ha. Yeah, says the Post guy. Was that before or after he says, That depends on what the meaning of is is? The Times guy says, I don’t remember. What about Poppy claiming in ’88, at the convention no less, Read my lips: no new taxes. The Post guy says, Yeah, that didn’t play well. The Times guy is silent for a moment. He says, I think the worst was right after the Tonkin Gulf incident in ‘64. Lyndon gets up there and says, We still seek no wider war. The reporters fall silent as the barkeep continues to dry glasses with a white dishtowel. – Thursday May 22, 2019.