CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, March 14, 2019)
CALEXICO, Calif. — The Times guy and the Post guy are standing in the parking lot of the sprawling tent city used as a pen for immigrants snared by federal border agents. The Times guy says, I think it’s unethical to portray rich donors seeking a Cadillac tour. The Post guy says, You’re right of course. At that moment, a black-uniformed squad of agents, all wearing helmets and gas masks exits the facility and approaches the reporters. One agent comes up to the Times guy and says, Sir! We are honored you are here, Sir! If you and your associate follow us, we will escort you through TrumpAttica-West, the finest holding pen for illegal and border children anywhere in history! Follow me. The Times guy whispers to the Post guy, I don’t think there’s an issue with keeping your mouth shut, right? We didn’t pretend to be something we’re not, you know what I mean? The Post guy makes a zipped lip motion as the two pass through the entrance and enter a kind of canvas wonderland. There is no sound. The black-uniformed squad leader gestures with his M16 and says, This way. Everyone wants to see the medical wing. He walks along a dirt-floored hallway of sorts and comes to a large room. He says, This is where we address their homosexual agendas. Dr. R. U. Cirius is the leader of the medical team employing our special conversion therapy protocols. Go ahead, you can look in. The reporters open a door and walk into the room. Dozens of children are kneeling, hands lashed to batons behind their backs. They are watching a giant screen showing Donald Wildmon, founder of the American Family Association, delivering an impassioned speech on the “homosexual degradation” of Mighty Mouse. Proctors with electric cattle prods roam the room. The black-uniformed leader says, Children who nod off or show signs of mental trauma are helped back to full attention with the humane assistance of the proctors. Kind of a jolt of reality, you know what I’m saying. If you follow me, I will show you our pharmaceutical therapy wing. The reporters reluctantly leave the conversion unit and enter another vast area. The leader says, This is our most promising unit. The unending numbers of subjects make it possible to test every kind of psychoactive. Over there you have the testing wing focused on elimination of social concerns. Over there you’ve got Dr. M. A. Buse’s work on the eradication of conscience. And in the far corner, you can just make it out, we have some boundary-pushing experimental work in transmogrification. Very cutting edge. The rodent work is ground breaking. It’s true we lost a few subjects at first. But in recent weeks there’s been a huge breakthrough, thanks to the Saudis. The Times guy and the Post guy are stunned by what they see. The Times guy says, It is so silent here. Why? The leader coughs and says, Everyone notices that, of course. We insure that no one is distracted by unnecessary noise. Intake includes a stop at surgery for a quick procedure. Afterwards, no yelling or screaming or other inappropriate sounds, just occasional low-volume whimpers. Follow me and I’ll show you the showering area. He adjusts his gas mask, briskly turns, and heads down another corridor.
— Thursday, March 14, 2019