CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, July 25, 2019)
BENEATH THE DESERT – Little Timmy, pup reporter, and the small strike force stand in the withering heat outside the Kitchen of The Cyber. Boris, genial triple agent, says, Eet ees so hot, eet ees impossible to think! Sounds of bubbling come from behind the swinging double doors leading to the Kitchen. Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance potluck, says, You are not supposed to think in the land of the autocrat. That is the last thing he wants you to do. There is a rumbling in the tunnels and the heat ratchets up even more. The strike force reels back. The Professor says, It is the heat, not the humidity. At that point the double doors burst open, the walls of the tunnel melt into the rising fields of phragmites, and the strike force is presented with a black expanse of mud with a large bulbous figure in the middle distance. Mohammed, Timmy’s friend, shouts, It’s the Diapered Anomaly! It has returned! The professor says, Something momentous must be happening! The Anomaly ignores the strike force. It is focused on swarms of what appear to be giant cockroaches coming from beneath the mud. Timmy says, Is this an old nuclear testing site? Those bugs look like mutations brought forth by atomic energy. The Professor knocks his pipe on the ground and begins to refill it with new tobacco, or what might be tobacco. He says, Heavens no, Timmy. We are not in the actual world. Those are all figments of the national imagination. Sarah says, The autocrat will crush those bugs and laugh. The Diapered Anomaly begins to squish bugs and laugh. The sun breaks out and the air is filled with swirling notes: Appreciate it @LindseyGrahamSC, thank you! … “THE WITCH HUNT IS OVER!” @SeanHannity … Thank you Rep. @DevinNunes! … “The Media’s Mueller Meltdown” @JesseBWatters … The Democrats lost so BIG today. Their Party is in shambles right now…. Sarah says, The autocrat seeks to manage what his supporters perceive through the media filter. It is his most important task. At this point, clouds darken the sky and the rain of notes ends. The Anomaly pauses for a moment, its hand poised in mid-air. The hesitation is brief. The hand comes down atop numerous bugs. And again. The stench of dead bug glop fills the air. Timmy says, Gee Professor, it changed instantly. Sarah says, Something must have upset the autocrat’s festival of himself. Mohammed says, Listen carefully, we can hear. Wafting through air, seemingly from another planet, are voices. There are familiar phrases: WikiLeaks is a hoax, just like everything else. And all of those problems having to do with crime were the biggest hoax of all. It was a witch hunt. A total witch hunt. And when you saw Robert Mueller’s statement, the earlier statement, and then he did a recap, he did a correction later on in the afternoon. And you know what that correction was, and you still asked the question. Do you know why? Because you’re fake news. And you’re one of the most. And let me just tell you, the fact that you even asked that question, you’re fake news. Because you know what? He totally corrected himself in the afternoon. And you know that just as well as anybody. The Anomaly picks up a shoe and begins to smash the bugs. The air is filled with growing sounds of contradiction: He said your written answers were not “generally truthful.” What was not truthful in your written answers to the Special Counsel? … Mueller said you could be charged once you leave office … No, he didn’t say that … Yes, he did … Again, you’re fake news. And you’re right at the top of the list, also … That is what he said, sir … It’s not what he said. Read his correction … That was not his correction. His correction was about exonerating you … Read his correction … It was about exonerating you. That was not about if you could be charged after you leave office … If you read his correction, you’ll find out. That’s why people don’t deal with you because you’re not an honest reporter. The sky is black and the Anomaly has grabbed another shoe. The bugs are still coming from the ground as the strike force looks on. – Thursday, July 25, 2019