CSI: American Carnage (Thursday, July 11, 2019)
BENEATH THE ARIZONA DESERT – Little Timmy, pup reporter, the Professor, and their small strike force make their way through the tunnels of The Cyber. Timmy says, Gee, Professor, it’s getting hot. I don’t remember it being so hot down here. The Professor says, We must be nearing the Kitchen. Timmy says, What’s that? The Professor takes out his pipe, taps it against his shoe heel, and fills it. Well, Timmy, he says, the Kitchen is where a lot of the fantastic dishes of The Cyber are cooked up. It gets very hot, to be sure, although I never really believed it existed. Boris, genial triple agent, says, Da. The Kitchen used to be run by guy named Seth, but I heard he killed because of Hillary emails. Now eet ees run by a letter. Timmy says, A letter? Boris says, Da. I am sure you know this letter. Q. Timmy says, Ahh. Q. A whining shriek is heard coming from distant part of the tunnel. Mohammed shouts, Incoming! Incoming! The group dives behind a rock outcropping just as a massive tweet screams by and blasts into a wall with tremendous force bringing down loose stones and dust. Timmy says, What was that one? The Professor, examining the rubble around the point of impact, says, It’s a deadly package concealed by praise for the pledge of allegiance. It says that the pledge in St. Louis Park is under siege and proclaims: That is why I am going to win the Great State of Minnesota in the 2020 Election. People are sick and tired of this stupidity and disloyalty to our wonderful USA! Small screams are heard down the tunnel. Boris shouts, After-tweets! After-tweets. The strike force dives behind the rocks again as small boomlets explode randomly: USA! USA! USA! USA! Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance potluck, says, These are tweets launched by the autocrat’s followers and cultists. At this point, as the echoes of the boomlets subside, the tunnels are once again filled by the wails of infants ripped from the arms of their mothers. Mohammed, Timmy’s friend, says, This is unbearable! We must do what we can to free these children! Sarah says, Listen! New cries! To the east come sounds and sobs of more women and girls. A low thunderous hum grows louder. Boris yells, More incoming! Dive! Dive! The group once again dives behind the rock as a massive tweet, bearing a payload of article quotations, smashes into a far wall with tremendous force. The entire tunnel shakes. The Professor says, My god! This is a new weapon. Sarah says, The autocrat will use what he has. Mohammed, check it out. Mohammed scrambles over to the still smoldering tweet. He says, It’s a long piece from newspaper. Some guy named Alan Dershowitz is saying some other guy named Acosta did some kind of great job. He says that because some guy named Epstein was so rich and powerful, this guy Acosta was lucky to nail him at all. Sarah says, That is doublespeak from one of the autocrat’s lackeys. They are all twisted abusers. Dershowitz defended Von Bulow and got him off. He then worked to cut a deal for the odious Epstein. This Dershowitz is also accused of abusing children himself. His tweet takes us to the rotted core of the autocrat and his criminal syndicate and kleptocracy. We must move quickly! The Professor says, But where? Timmy says, Why not the Kitchen? The Professor says, Yes, absolutely. Perhaps we can cook our own meal. Or at least disrupt the flow of waiters. The group moves out from behind the rocks. Timmy says, Which way? – Thursday, July 11, 2019