CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, September 29, 2019)
IN THE CYBER – Little Timmy, pup reporter, and the Professor’s small strike force shrink away as the massive Soros figure unfurls from beneath the arching stone bridge. Fall back! shouts Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance potluck. Fall back! It may be poisonous! The giant creature, covered with colorful Star of David tattoos, roars and spews angry bile on the backpedaling group. The figure glares down and withdraws wads of mud-encrusted cash from his black bag, and flings it into the air. Don’t touch eet! shouts Boris, genial triple agent. Eet ees dirty money! Timmy says, Get behind these rocks! The strike force retreats behind some boulders and looks on as a squad of Russian bots appears, marching in lockstep along a ridge. They sing patriotic songs of the motherland as they turn toward the bridge. Russia — our sacred State, Russia — our beloved country. A mighty will, a great glory — Is your legacy for all time! The bots march purposefully, moving forward in rectangles as they approach the bridge. But now, from beyond the ridge, comes a disordered and disorienting cluster of trolls. Sarah says, Here come the trolls! They are heading directly for Soros! The trolls jabber uncontrollably and shout at giant Soros. They swarm over themselves, falling and tumbling. The noise is deafening. Jajajajajajajajaja! Jajajajajajaja! Sarah shouts over the din, They are spewing nonsense! The Soros giant barely notices the clamoring trolls who hop up and down yelling, Castrator! Socialist! Immigrant lover! Clinton! Email! Ukraine! Ukraine! From within the mass of angry trolls, a man and woman rise. They look over their forces. The man says, Messages ready. The trolls fall silent. The man says, This whistleblower needs to go to prison. He doesn’t need to be feted, he needs to go to prison. The woman then pushes the man aside and shouts, U.S. and other people made false statements about him, yeah, that was George Soros-funded NGOs who were also in bed with the State Department. They were in bed with each other during that time, in the name of anti-corruption and it really means that Soros goes after his competitors. The Professor’s eyes grow wide. He says, My god! It’s former U.S. Attorney Joe diGenova and his barrister wife Victoria Toensing! Sarah says, Yes. They are in the pocket of the autocrat, allowed out for brief appearances amidst friendly forces. They seem to be trying to rally the trolls and bots in a effort to defeat a chimera of their own making. Mohammed, Timmy’s friend says, Chimera? That Soros giant looks like he means business! The Professor takes out his pipe and pouch of tobacco-flavored lettuce leaves and begins to fiddle. Trolls are jabbering. Bots await commands. diGenova and Toensing glare up at giant Soros. The Professor fiddles. At last he says, Do not forget, we are in The Cyber. Sarah says, Yes. The autocrat’s followers have created this Soros figure themselves. They have spun him out of nativist and anti-Semitic fantasies. This giant looming before us exists for them. But for us, he is the thinnest of fumes, a cloud of illusion. Sarah moves out from behind the boulder. Come on! she shouts. Let’s go. The strike forces steps on the bridge with giant Soros glaring down. The group passes through him, his body dissolving into unresisting mist. They look back. Pitchforks appear. Bots shoulder javelin missiles armed with explosive tweets. The forces are poised. Giant Soros howls with defiance. Epithets all around, falling harmlessly. The Professor says, Let’s go. They turn and head down the road toward a line of trees. – Sunday, September 29, 2019