CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, October 6, 2019)
IMPORTANT NOTICE!!
Ebensburg PA — Recent sightings of a hairless, bunnylike creature foraging in wooded stretches of the southern Alleghenies have prompted The Editors to undertake an expedition in search of Rick Perry, who vanished from Washington two years ago. Perry has also reportedly been seen picking through garbage cans at bus stations in and around the DC area. Those sightings have now been discounted by law enforcement authorities, who are inclined to believe Perry may have wandered off Route 99 while on a fishing expedition with presidential family members and unnamed associates. “Lots of wildlife near the roads hereabouts,” one knowledgable police source said. The Editors intend to follow up on these and other leads before returning to the editorial offices. The Editorial Committee is handling the CSI Tipline, in the meantime, with the assistance of laid off operators formerly employed monitoring the Epstein inquiry and other short-lived probes. The Editors — Sunday, October 6, 2019