CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, November 25, 2018)
Look, says Donald, I don’t give a shit what you do, fix it. I’ve had it up to here with these so-called judges and their supposed rulings, which are a disgrace and treason of the highest crime. Who is the president? Me. What does the fucking constitution say? Does it say the fucking judges run this shitshow? No it does not. It says the president runs the army and the military and can use them to get things under control which is the point. And guess what – things are not under control. We are being invaded, and not just from within. Obama got invaded all the time and what happened? Hillary took over Benghazi, that’s what happened. Now the courts think they are going to walk all over us? I don’t think so. I don’t think so. Hector quietly listens to Donald. He says nothing. There is a knock on the door of the Executive Lounge. Donald tightens his wrapper. He says, Who the hell is that, Hec? Hector goes to the door and opens it. Kelly walks in accompanied by Betsy. Donald says, Yeah, good. Excellent. You can leave, Kelly. Donald turns to Betsy. So I’m thinking we have a real opportunity here, uh, Brianna, we can make a killing and jack the ratings, we are talking serious ratings. Ratings through the roof. Betsy says, Betsy. Donald says, Betsy. He says, Ok, this woman who’s trying to stiff your family? Betsy says, The woman who expects the DeVos clinic to pay for her heart-transplant treatment? Donald says, Yeah, the one in Michigan. Terrible. Terrible abuse. Betsy says, Oh, that one. We told her to do a kickstarter to raise the money to pay. She gets the money, pays up front, we swap out her heart. Donald says, Yeah, that’s the one. Nice, very nice. Look, we can make her a star. We can run her fundraiser for her. Here’s the deal, we put it on Fox, okay, we make it the Donald J. Trump Get a Life Fundraiser. We get Roseanne to come on and do the schtick. Raise the bucks. We got the little numbers at the bottom of the teevee screen, the graphics. We got the graph to show the money coming in, more and more dollars, the little graph rising. Everybody gives. I will make a celebrity appearance. We’ll tell em I’m giving too. Do you realize what a great show this will be? It will stick it to all these assholes who are going after the Trump Foundation, these people who don’t understand the beauty of giving, who are only interested in tearing me down. Charity doesn’t stop at the front door. You open it up and let the gifts come in. That’s how it’s done. We are going to help you Beatrice because you have a terrible public image and we can fix it, we can truly fix it with the teevee and the Donald J. Trump Get a Life Fundraiser. Teevee is a great blessing if you use it correctly, Bee. You work the teevee, the teevee doesn’t work you. Trust me.
— Sunday, Nov. 25, 2018