CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, March 3, 2019)
WASHINGTON — Jare, Donald says, you seen the book? Jare says, Yeah, Boss, I seen it. Donald says, Has baby doll seen it? Jare says, Yeah, she seen it. You see it? Donald says, Yeah, I seen it. Fuck the rat. Ooooo. The brand new manuscript for a new book by failed lawyer Michael Cohen shows his testimony was a total lie! Pundits should only use it. You know what I’m sayin. Virtually everything failed lawyer Michael Cohen said in his sworn testimony last week is totally contradicted in his just released manuscript for a book about me. It’s a total new love letter to “Trump” and the pols must now use it rather than his lies for sentence reduction! Ha ha ha. Fucking rat. Choke on his own fucking words. Look, Jare, listen to me. We got to start planning for the rally here on the 4th. Jare says, Ok. I’ll bring in some of the boys. Donald says, This one’s gonna be big, Ok. We need to get a good costume designer, okay. All the big productions got costume designers, right? And baby doll’s outfit can make the costumes. She’s got some cheap production spots opening up in Vietnam or some other shithole. Baby doll’s got the muscle. We’re gonna need two, three million costumes, at least. I’m thinking maybe Edith Head to design. I dunno. She’s great. Whadayou think? Jare says, I think Edith Head is unavailable. What about the La La Land dame? Donald says, Interesting. She’s a doll. What about Anna Johnson? She’s great. She did Vito so good. She’s a serious person. Jare says, She’s pushing up the daisies. Donald says, Ok. So we pull in the doll from La La Land for the costumes. Who directs? I’m thinking I might direct myself. Jare says, Boss, that’d be great, but you got no time. There’s Trump Korea, Trumplandia, the drilling shit, Deutsche Bank, all the other shit. Donald says, Yeah, yeah. Okay. Leni’s out. What about Busby? Jare says, He’s dead. Donald says, All the great creators are dead but me. That’s the thing, Jare. I’m the only one who knows what the fuck they’re doing. Ok. We got the La La Land babe for the costumes. What about Ford? Jare says, Dead. Donald says, Wait a sec. I got it! Gibson! He can handle it. The guy can do anything. Great fucking actor. Loves the Jews now. He’s our guy. I want Gibson to put on the most spectacular spectacle in our history, the Trump Fourth. I want at least a million people here, so get Leo to start recruiting. I want costumes and uniforms for all of em. I want decent music, which we are gonna get from Bacharach, okay. I want Wayne to sing the theme song. Okay. Now. The song should have stuff in it like beautiful and dolls and great. Something like NO COLLUSION NO CONFUSION. And stuff about me. No rain drops. All suns and guns. Burt can handle it. I want the fucking homeless out of here by June. Get some communists to come in and make trouble, okay. Or the blacks. Not my blacks though. The other ones. Then bring in the cops. Let them line the streets. The cops will make this a day everybody can remember. Believe me.
— Sunday, March 3, 2019