CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, March 29,2020)
WASHINGTON – Mike and Donald are meeting in the Executive Conference Room off of the Oval. Donald says, Who we got up today? Mike says, Because of the president’s leadership…. Donald says, That would be me. Mike says, Yes, sir. Because of your leadership, we’ve been able to book Mr. A. Rod, who is now in the green room, with Mrs. Rod, also known as Ms. J. Lo. She’ll be offering her insights as well. Donald says, Good. Good. You’ll be there. I want you to introduce me and then I’ll bring on tonight’s guests. We work up any briefing theme yet? Because a crisis needs a theme, which is why many of the American people are not treating this the way they should. But I gotta tell ya, Mike, in a way it doesn’t matter because the “Ratings” of my News Conferences etc. are so high, “Bachelor finale, Monday Night Football type numbers” according to the @nytimes, the Lamestream Media is going CRAZY. “Trump is reaching too many people, we must stop him.” said one lunatic. See you at 5:00 P.M.! That’s what I say. Who’s doing the theme? Mike says, Well, because of your leadership and vision, we have almost convinced Mr. West to sign up for it. We’re working on the numbers now. Donald says, You gotta be kidding me. Just tell Kimmy. Kimmy will get it done. Kimmy knows how to do business. Forgetaboutit. I’ll give her a call after the show. Geez, we’re 61 minutes to air time. We got any funny guys? I don’t want Allen anymore. Mike says, Tom’s not on our list, because you wisely directed our attention to Dennis Miller. Mr. Miller is very close to signing. Donald says, Ok. We got 58 minutes. We got a packed green room. We got a lineup the likes of which, it’s gotta be one of the most strong lineups, but do we have to have that shriveled little mushroom? Mike says, Of course not, sir. Whatever you wish. Donald says, I wish, you know, not to have the dried up old guy, the so-called doctor, who nobody believes, he brings everyone down, just horrible, horrible, and he’s always behind me like a dwarf or a gnome. Get rid of him. Bring in Kudlow instead. Because, okay, I’m gonna hint you something now Mike. We are about to blow the whole thing sky high, okay, with the quarantine, the New York quarantine, which we are going to film, and I hear that Kurt Russell wants in, because it’s like a public service thing, okay, Lee Van Cleef, maybe Donald Pleasence – the deal is they are trapped in New York, okay, and they need to get out, but it’s like a madhouse, it’s like a zoo, all these natives, the guns, the N95, the M13, all of em, they try to bust out, but our quarantine, you can’t bust out, okay. Keep your ear open. Tonight. It’s only 44 minutes to airtime. I gotta get to makeup. – Sunday, March 29, 2020