CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, June 28, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald wipes the jelly off the arm of the Executive Lounge recliner and tosses the tissue toward the garbage. It falls short. Donald shouts, Hector! Hector! Where the hell is the remote? Hector does not respond. Hector! Nothing. Goddammit! There is a knock on the door. Donald sees the remote on the side table, beneath a moraine of calcified fries deposited long ago. He sweeps aside the fries and grabs the remote, depositing it in the pocket of his wrapper. Come! He says, struggling to settle back into the strangely small recliner. The door opens and Mike wiggles in on his belly, ripping his tie on an old carpet tack. Oh! Magnificence, he says, ignoring the blood and flopping forward like a flounder on the beach. Highness! I must report that there is nothing to report. There has been no information. No intelligence. No rogue news articles. Nothing has changed during the day, a continuation of your greatest day, which began with your first day and continues on, like a rocket propelled into space and that is now venturing beyond the known the bounds of the solar system, out into the deepest, most mysterious and unknowable parts of the universe, claiming all for you, Sire, and you alone. Donald looks down at Mike who says, Great news! Under your unblemished and radiant leadership, we continue on the path to a greatness unknown in history. Oh, Sire, Mother and Our Pastor, who are exploring, even as we speak, the beauty of the reopened Mandarin Oriental Spa in Las Vegas, report that the spa is completely free of the Chinese Virus, just as you predicted. They hail your divination! You are a deity, Mother says, powerful, wise, all-knowing. Our pastor says that you are the nation’s shield and that men of god are prepared to reward your selfless service with powerful protection. Donald says, Yes. The deposits should be made in the usual fashion. He holds out his foot for the ritual cleansing. Mike flops over and takes it all into his deepest throat, the ooze of fungus and advancing rot squishing out the side of his mouth down his chin in foamy rivulets. He sucks. Donald leans back. Rise, he says eventually. Mike stands up and wipes off his chin, carefully folding his soiled handkerchief and placing it into his pocket. Sire, the essence of the historic news is that you know nothing about the Fake News™ report on the Taliban bounty hunters who are killing all the American soldiers in Afghanistan. Nothing! I have checked up and down the line. Everyone says you know nothing. Everyone says you were not informed. Sergey says you know nothing and he didn’t tell you so you’d have something to tell. Mark says that the only bounty hunters over there are our bounty hunters. Donald says, Nobody briefed or told me, @VP Pence, or Chief of Staff @MarkMeadows about the so-called attacks on our troops in Afghanistan by Russians, as reported through an ‘anonymous source’ by the Fake News @nytimes. Everybody is denying it & there have not been many attacks on us. Nobody’s been tougher on Russia than the Trump Administration. With Corrupt Joe Biden & Obama, Russia had a field day, taking over important parts of Ukraine – Where’s Hunter? Probably just another phony Times hit job, just like their failed Russia Hoax. Who is their ‘source’? Mike says, We are talking to those who attended the March briefing, Most magnificent. Donald says, I was working in the Oval, alone until midnight. Mike says, No one works harder, Sire, no one works harder than Trump. And you did not attend the briefing and why would you and why would you need to be informed over deep news from the Fake State? Or rather, vice versa. Donald looks at Mike, who immediately backs out of the room, closing the door quietly. – Sunday, June 28, 2020