CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, July 14, 2019)
WASHINGTON – After Mike backs out the door of the Executive Lounge, Donald puts his slipper back on, and shouts, Hector! Hector! Hector unplugs and comes forward. Donald says, Pizza. Sausage and Pepper. And a diet Dr. Pepper. Hector turns away. Donald says, Some poppers too, with the chili sauce, but not the super spicy. Hector heads past the fridge and into the back room. Donald settles in and returns to his Milwaukee rally video. He watches himself say, It’s not China’s fault that we were stupid. It’s not China’s fault that we allowed it to happen. We lose $500 billion a year. It’s now turning. We’re taking in billions and billions of dollars in tariffs. I’m giving billions of dollars back to the farmers because they pinpointed the farmers. They said, We’re not going to buy here. We’re not going to buy there because then Trump will stop doing to us what he’s doing. Except the farmers said, We don’t care because he’s right. Because for 15 years, the farmer — if you look, 15 years, it’s been like this. It’s a one-way street and it was a street downward. But it’s been incredible. There’s another knock on the door. Donald pauses, and says, Come. Stephen walks in. Donald says, Sit down Stevie. You’re just in time for the line about the farmers not wanting money. It’s not stupid. Most of the time, you don’t take the money, it’s stupid. But here, they don’t take the money, they are really taking the money. So they are getting paid too. So it’s not stupid. Stephen says, Absolutely not. Donald says, They will take it and we will give it to them again and again. They are fucking selfless, Stevie. Fucking selfless. You don’t see the selfless much anymore. Stephen says, Our patriot farmers are so selfless. Not like Ryan. Donald says, He’s a killer. I had to save us from Paul Ryan. Weak, ineffective & stupid are not exactly the qualities that Republicans want. Obviously. Look at me. Ryan’s not as stupid as the fucking Brit. Wacky. Really stupid. Appointed by May, who’s obviously in way over her head. Fucking stupid. Her big buddy, naturally, is Obama, who’s, I don’t care what they say, he never showed the grades, never showed the original certificate. Weak. Stupid. You can push him around. Like Iran, Iran pushed him around. He cut the deal. I wasn’t elected to play nice with Obama and fucking Hillary. Stephen says, No, absolutely. No nice. Donald says, I’m a nice guy, though. Stephen says, No question. Very nice. Donald says, Nancy’s not a racist. None of my blacks think she’s a racist. She’s just a bitch. Stupid bitch. And they’re all going after poor stupid Alex, who didn’t do well with his show. All he had to do was smack these people down and he couldn’t do that. So I gotta do his job for him now. I do his job, I do idiot Tillerson’s job, I do fucking stupid Mad Dog, who’s really a fucking chicken. Donald flaps his arms, and says, Bwakk! Bwakk! Bwakk! I do the chicken. And fucking dumb as a rutabaga Magoo. Get this. That moron wants to run against Davey Jones in Alabama. Stephen says, No! Donald says, Yeah, Davey Jones is gonna drown him and Magoo is gonna go around stumbling into himself like some kind of stupid crazy cripple. At least Barr doesn’t stumble over his own feet, but I’ll tell you Stevie, Barr better get a handle on this Jeff thing or it’s gonna be a fucking stupid zoo around here and the spics in cages drinking their own piss will be the least of it. – Sunday, July 14, 2019