CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, January 27, 2019)
CENTRAL PLAINS — The Chamber of Consternation is quiet but for the static coming from a bank of screens on the south wall. The Dark Ones, deep within the vast central plains complex, are silent. A digital clock flashes its red numbers, GMT. There is no tick. Above ground, the stubbled fields are frozen. The elder brother looks up. My brother, he says, now that the gambler showman has reopened the government, the hard work of dismantling the government must continue. The younger brother is mute. The elder says, the Hoosier puppet is late with his post-shutdown report. The Council of Elders is eager to hear his assessment. The younger brother rouses himself and takes a sip of ginger beer. My brother, he says, I am unsettled. The servi are restive. The gambler showman, so magical this past year in filling our coffers, seems distracted. He must stay focused, else we shall see a fall off in revenues. Perhaps the eastern despot may be of service, since the gambler showman seems to feel so warmly towards him. The elder brother sips his cold green tea and is silent for a moment. At last he says, We cannot trust the despot, as you well know. Father was able to take an earlier despot to the cleaners, enriching us greatly. The current despot knows that history well. I note that he has offered no overt assistance to the gambler showman in recent weeks, leaving him to wallow in his own mess. The younger says, My brother, The despot well knows how to play the showman, who, after all, has no idea what he is doing when it comes to navigating these treacherous waters. Perhaps we can lend some assistance. We have listened to some most interesting telecommunications involving the urine collector. It seems that a high campaign official is in constant communication with the urine collector’s whiney daughter and their English and Israeli affiliates. They are discussing a possible international incident which will divert attention and perhaps generate some revenue for Council members engaged in defense contracting. That, of course, would be a boon to our extractive operations. I think we might encourage some hostilities. The elder says, The gambler showman has shown interest in attacking the heirs of the Persian throne, but that would prove unfortunate. I think he could possibly be dissuaded, at this time, and redirected to our neighbors to the south. The younger says, He is already posturing along the southern border. Perhaps you are referring to another possibility? The elder says, Father always believed that one only attacked when one could seize and control. The younger is thoughtful. He says, It is possible, but do you think the servi are pliant enough to induce hostilities with Venezuela? The elder chuckles. The lying communist dictators are seeking control of the vast resources of that pathetic, so-called country. They have been stealing our property for years, and perhaps now it is time to get it back. The one they call Bolton could serve as a conduit for this splendid opportunity — particularly if the urine collector’s Israelis report Persian agents in Caracas.
— Sunday, January 27, 2019