CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, January 20, 2019)
Donald, with Hector’s assistance, pulls on some athletic pants, golden with white stripes down the side of the legs. He puts on a blue Penn sweatshirt that reads, Kill em Quakers, and slips a gold wool cap over his ears. Donald says, This is funny, Hec, it’s funny, because the Quakers, you know, they don’t believe in killing people. We should have a wall of Quakers, stacked one on top of another, pile the bodies high at the border. Human shield. Ha ha ha. Hector stands mute. Donald says, You know, Hec, get back to your place here, I’m gonna plug you in so you have a little juice when Sophia comes in to visit. I’m willing to share. Epstein used to share. Ha ha ha. You don’t understand that, but that’s okay. Ha ha ha. Donald walks Hector back to his recharging cubicle and plugs him in. Donald looks at himself in the mirror and puts a false golden beard in place. He picks up a long overcoat thrown over a settee, glances one more time in the mirror, and says, No one will recognize Trump! This is a tremendous diguise! He leaves the Executive Lounge and walks down the hallway. Marine guards snap to attention and salute. Donald ignores them, takes the elevator to the first floor and considers his options before heading through the back kitchen. The entire staff stands immediately as he passes through. Cheeseberder, Mr. President? Pablo says under his breath. Donald decides the best route is through the sub-subbasement tunnel system. He descends and enters a long corridor with stone walls and iron doors. He hears a whimpering coming from somewhere, but continues on, emerging via the UniVator that opens into the false trunk of the false Liberty Tree in Lafayette Square. The square is largely empty. Donald says, Good, beautiful. This is perfect, I will get the straight talk from the straight people who won’t have any idea who they’re talking to. No president has ever gone straight to the people like this. No president has ever spoken with random people about shit. He looks around. I wonder how I get out of here. He turns around and sees the White House and thinks, I should just follow this red-brick pathway. As he begins to walk, a family turns into the square. The little boy points and shouts, Look, Mom! The president! He runs up to Donald. Wow! Why are you wearing that beard? Everybody can tell it’s you. Donald says, Get away. Get away. The little boy says, Why? This is a park. Donald says, This is my fucking park you little shit and if you don’t get away, I’ll have you arrested and thrown in jail with all the illegals and radical leftists who will eat you alive, among other things. Get away from me. The little boy says, You’re an idiot. He runs back to his mother. Mom, he says, the president just used bad words and said he was gonna put me in jail. His mother says, Oh, don’t listen to him Johnny, he’s a sick man. We should pity him and get him help. I think Farview State Hospital is still open. We can check when we get back home. They could provide the level of care that the president deserves. You see, Johnny, help should be available for people in our country. We need to help those in need. Farview would welcome him in, I’m sure.