CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, December 16, 2018)
Donald, standing in the newly christened Wilbur Mills Firecracker Ball Room, complete with its decorative pool and fountain, has a smile pasted on his face. Through clinched teeth he says to Stephen, standing next to him, Liberace taught me ventriloquism. It’s true. I can stand here in this crowded room and give you fucking orders and no one will know I’m even talking. Stephen says, Wonderful! Donald says, The texts, pass it around. There’s that moron Anschutz over there. Wow. Tell him that 19,000 Texts between Lisa Page and her lover, Peter S of the FBI, in charge of the Russia Hoax, were just reported as being wiped clean and gone. Such a big story that will never be covered by the Fake News. Witch Hunt! Stephen says, It’s so charitable that you invited Anschutz to the Trump Distancing Gala and that you would give this story to him! Donald says, He just wants his Official Trump Distancing Party Token. He’s a moron. Anybody dumb enough to publish a piece of shit like the Weekly Standard, which was a graveyard for the geniuses behind Bush, the guys who pushed that idiot to take on Saddam, stupid, stupid, did not secure the oil fields, needs some fucking help to cross the fucking street, let alone navigate this fucking minefield, and you know Anschutz is a fucking moron. Stephen says, I don’t see Ryan yet. Donald says, Another thing, speaking of stupid Willie Kristol, Stupid Willie. Ha ha ha. Donald and Stephen smirk. Donald says, How’s Never Trump feel now, Stupid Willie? Ha ha ha. By the way, Stevie, I’m gonna announce another cost saver for us. Maybe I’ll do it here. Not sure. Stephen says, What? Donald says, We are establishing endowed cabinet chairs. Everybody’s been bitching. So we take the cabinet seats off the books. Just take em off the books. Everybody bitching about Ryan, who’s done such a fantastic job for almost two years, two years! They wouldn’t be bitching about him but he’s fucking public. Public they bitch all the time. Who knew that? Who knew? So we’re gonna build a new way. You know it is an act of charity for anyone to come in here and work for these idiots. Fucking nuts. We’re gonna shake all that up. Stephen greets Scott, waves to Reince, calls out, Yo, Seb! Waves. Get your Trump Party token yet Sean? Ha ha ha. Stephen says to Donald, How are you gonna pull that off? Donald says, Simple. Couldn’t be anything more easier. All these fucking department heads, they become privately endowed. Stephen smirks. Donald jabs him with his elbow. Donald says, I’m not saying their privates are endowed. Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m saying there will be no public money involved at all, or it will be a small minority of the money. Why? Because when there’s no public money, there’s no public interest, no conflict when a chair of a department seeks to engage the private sector in projects. The Halliburton Chair of Engagement and Extraction will be established right after Zinke leaves. Others will follow. And once they’re off the books, they won’t be subject to these assholes in Congress. Same is true, really, of the so-called president. We’re gonna see what we can do. These morons think we’re just gonna roll over. But Matt came up with my idea and we’re running with it.
— Sunday, Dec. 16, 2018