CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, April 26, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Hec! Get over here and take this down! Hector unplugs from his niche near the polycarbonate shield toward the rear of the Executive Lounge, powers up, and makes his way to the recliner. Donald, somewhat in disarray, has a bowl of Coco Puffs and marshmallows on his lap. Some has spilled on his wrapper. Donald is brushing it away. He says to Hector, Find a pencil and take this down. Hector picks up a pencil from the sidetable. He finds an empty Arby’s bag on the floor to write on. Donald says, Dearest Poo-Poo Squishy, You got that? Hector finishes scratching and stands poised. Donald continues: How are you? I am fine. The Fake News™ claims you are dead. Oh my beloved Poo-Poo, your Potato hopes it isn’t so. Are you dead? Ha ha. That was a joke! Donald pauses and thinks. He begins again. Seriously, they are saying you are brain dead! I can’t even imagine that. Brain dead! I wonder what that feels like. Never mind. Let me know. Don’t worry, though. Nothing will come between us. If you are brain dead, then when we get together again, we will throw everything to the wind, right? Because who cares? We won’t have anything to lose. I yearn for your sweets. I send you my strongest love and also the very strong love. Yours, Potato. Okay Hec. Get that out through the usual channel. Not the Fake News™ channel, the other one we use. Hector says nothing. He turns. Donald says, Wait! I got another one. No writing. No pencil. Commit it to memory and swollow the paper, Okay? This one’s for the Rat. Rat Face: You fuck with me and you’re fucking with AC and all my people there and there are a lot there, Okay? One fucking word out of you and it’ll be your last, Okay? Write all the fucking books you want Rat Face because, guess what? Nobody cares. Nobody reads. Nobody looks at books, Okay. But if I see your smug face on the teevee, Joey will pay a little visit. Okay, Hec, you know what to do. Hector turns silently and leaves. Donald is left lying on the recliner. He cinches his wrapper and knocks the Coco Puffs onto the floor. He says, Shit. Donald falls silent. He stares at the teevee, on pause form his last rally in Charlotte. He thinks about money. He thinks about Poo-Poo and the great times they’ve had together. Maybe, he thinks, maybe not. Who knows? We’ll see. – Sunday, April 26, 2020