CSI: American Carnage (Sunday, April 21, 2019)
SUNLAND PARK NM — A group of purported migrants is being held at gunpoint near the southern border in the flickering shadow of an amusement park. Camo-wearing gunmen, many chewing on the spines of cactus, surround the band of mothers suckling babies, quiet, determined fathers, young men with dreams in their starry eyes, young women with their pathetic bundles of belongings hastily packed. Who are you? the Professor asks the camoed leader. The leader eyes the Professor and says, We are the United Constitutional Patriots and we are here to protect the United States from the invasion, the infestation, the pollution, the plague, the spread of these vermin, this disease of illegals, this pestilence rotting the heart of our American liberties. We are Trump! We are Everywhere! The Professor says, Okay, okay. From the back of the group of migrants, a voice rings out: Timmy! Timmy! I am here! Timmy! It’s me! Little Timmy, pup reporter, looks hard, squints, and realizes it is Mohammed – the old friend captured by dark forces during an attack in the Cyber! Or was it the backchannel? No matter now! The friends embrace. The Professor turns to the camoed leader and says, Clearly these are not invaders. The leader lets his AR15 dip in the Professor’s direction. He says, Yeah? Who says? At this point, Boris, genial triple agent, employs his GRU training, flips the leader over, disarms him on the ground, and says, I do. Release these people. Or you will be delivered to Poohteen. The leader says, Boys, they got the drop on us. We’d best let all these bugs go, we’ll catch em again tomorrow night anyway. The migrants leave. Boris tells the militia members to follow them. At last alone, Timmy asks Mohammed, What was that all about? Mohammed says, We were all in the park when these masked gunmen showed up and took us out here down near the southern border. Timmy says, Why? Mohammed says, I don’t know, but they said several times that it wasn’t right that we should be in the park. The group collectively turns around and looks at the park with its cracked vinyl clown head, it’s sputtering, fizzing lights, and its raspy noises, a mix of laughter, muttering, and snuffling hisses. Beneath it all is the sound of hurdy-gurdy music and the rattling of empty roller-coaster cars being pulled up the slopes, pausing at the top, and then shooting down with a vengeance. Timmy says, This park? Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance potluck, says, Clearly it is a nexus of some kind. It must serve some purpose for the autocrat. The group continues to look at the park looming in the desert night surrounded by nothing but blackness. The Professor says, We should determine what this is. There is something unreal about it. Timmy says, Ice cream. The Professor says, Ice cream? Why do you say that? Sarah says, He refers to Wallace Stevens. Ah, the Professor says, Let be be finale of seem. They continue to look at the disintegrating clown face as the amusement park lights fizzle and crackle. — Sunday, April 21, 2019