CSI: American Carnage (September 15, 2019)
WASHINGTON – I got it on speaker, Donald says into his cell, there’s too much to do here. Spanky clears his throat. Donald shouts, Hey Hec! Hector! There’s a burger on the counter. Bring it over here. I got Spanky on the line. Bring that cherry coke, too. Bangs and scraping noises come from the dark beyond the fridge. There is a tremendous crash followed by high pitched squeals and then silence. Hector appears a moment later holding a plate. Donald takes it and dismisses Hector, who recedes back into the gloom. Donald takes a bite. He says, You know, Spank, I was telling them in that shithole up there that the wind is very expensive. Do you know why? Spanky says, No. Donald says, Because you put up those windmills — I know it very well. First of all, they’re made in Germany and they’re made in China. Think of the pollutants that go on the air when they’re making these massive steel things. Try dropping a windmill someplace close to your house. Try selling your house. They make noise. They kill all the birds. If you happen to be watching the Democrat debate and the wind isn’t blowing, you’re not going to see the debate. Charlie, what the hell happened to this debate? He says, Darling, the wind isn’t blowing. The goddamn windmill stopped. That windmill stopped. But just keep your mouth shut about the dick. You keep your mouth shut, these people will go away. The Fake News™ is like the dogs with the moon. It goes away. Just the cemetery is left over. Let’s be clear. Your dick does not pass your lips on the nightly news. Spanky says, No. Donald says, I don’t wanna hear it from Squi or Judge or Tom or PJ. Okay. Not one fucking word. Let Bill take care of it. This Ramirez woman, she knows all about the boofing. Am I right? Spanky says, I don’t remember. Donald says, She’s the one that pushed the devil’s triangle, okay? Spanky says, I don’t know, it was a long time ago. Donald says, You boofed your way to the top. If you want to stay there, keep your mouth shut and if your gonna ralph, do it in Baltimore. — Sunday, September 15, 2019