CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, September 28, 2019)
IN THE CYBER – Sarah, Timmy’s friend from the resistance pot luck, approaches the farm wife, who is sitting on the front porch shucking trolls. She yanks one from a basket, holds it firmly by the neck, and cuts it off at the knees. The troll shouts out, HARRASSMENT! DISGUSTING!! LIAR! LIBTARD! The farm wife tosses it into the recycling bin and looks up. Sarah says, You live here? A troll from the basket screams out, MORON! The farm wife grabs it, deftly removes the tongue and tosses it onto the mulch pile. She says, Who wants to know? Sarah ignores the rudeness and says, After we scorch your crops, we want to head toward the main back channel tunnel. Is it down this path? Sarah notices the farm wife’s face is riven with lines of care, testimony to the hard life of troll farming in The Cyber – even during boom years. Sarah says, Does this path lead to the trunk line? The farm wife says, Sure, if you can get there, and she returns to her shucking, grabbing a squealing troll, cutting its legs off from under it and throwing it under a box fashioned like a bus. Sarah returns to Timmy and the Professor’s small strike force, hidden deep in the weeds, and says, We gotta follow the path. First lets torch this place. This troll farm looks like a 4chan supplier. The autocrat depends on these kinds of resources. We can do some damage. Anyone got some matches? Boris hands over a matchbook, and Sarah heads to the edge of the crop. The jabbering grows deafening as she nears. Jajajajajajaja! She strikes a match and the entire crop explodes in an orange ball that rises to the yellow sky, trolls instantaneously transformed into a gaseous cloud, a fog blotting out all that isn’t there to see. Sarah shouts, Let’s go. Timmy looks back at the farm wife who continues her shucking as though nothing has happened. He says, She hasn’t even looked at the devastation behind her! Sarah says, The autocrat never acknowledges damage. He just continues to move forward, mowing down everything that gets in his way. This may at least slow him momentarily. The group continues on down the path. The sky grows darker and the air becomes chill. The rolling fields pass away, replaced by a stony waste with a forest looming in the distance. A small stream, full of green slime, gurgles through the wastes ahead and passes beneath a stone bridge. The Professor says, Are you sure this is correct? Boris , genial triple agent, says, Eet looks like home! Timmy’s friend Mohammed says nothing, a look of concern clearly visible on his face. As they near the arching stone bridge, the light purples, and the ground begins a periodic rumble. Timmy says, Sounds like snoring. The Professor holds up his hand at the bank of the stream. He says, The rumbles are coming from beneath the bridge. There’s something there! A great crash and babble splatters through the air and a giant figure unfolds from beneath the bridge. It is covered with tattoos – a Star of David, a Menorah, a bright red Shaddai – and growls, Who goes there? The strike force, surprised falls back. Oh my goodness! says Timmy. It’s Soros! – Saturday, September 28, 2019