CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, October 5, 2019)
HEAD OF THE HARBOR NY – Steve gets another beer from the icebox, rezips his cargo shorts, wipes his fingers on his tee shirt, and collapses back on the chaise. He says to no one in particular, You don’t want to fuck up The Big One. It only rolls around once. He takes a long pull. The Urine Collector turns from the window and the swirls of thick fog outside and sits down in an arm chair. The Whiney Daughter says, No one but you is fucking anything up. Steve says, Trump is your biggest asset. He is the ultimate patriarch. Women are gonna take charge of society. And they couldn’t juxtapose a better villain than Trump. He is the patriarch. Why can’t you understand that? You let Trump be Trump and all hell will break loose over this two-bit Ukraine bullshit. We are talking The Big One, the seismic shift that brings everything down and leaves you with a steaming pile of rubble. That’s exactly, exactly what I promised you. The pile of rubble. The arms of the octopus rising up out of the water and pulling down the golden bridge with all the golden dreams. That’s what I said I’d give you and that’s what you’ve got, more or less. The Ukraine is a like a sideshow or an opening act. Oprah, women, The Great Shift – that’s what the enemy is. The Whiney Daughter says, Daddy! Do we have to listen to this nonsense? Steve says, The anti-patriarchy movement is going to undo ten thousand years of recorded history. You watch. The time has come. Women are gonna take charge of society. And they couldn’t juxtapose a better villain than Trump. He is the patriarch. The Urine Collector picks up the white cat, which has wondered back into the room carrying a rat cadaver in its mouth. The cat drops the cadaver and bites deeply into the Urine Collector’s hand. The Urine Collector strokes the cat, streaking it with bright red. He turns toward the thick fog enveloping the tennis court. The Whiney Daughter says, Look, the plan is good, Ukraine, the Italians, Putin – they are all good to go. The system is collapsing. The point is that it is so rotten it is collapsing faster than anticipated. That’s the problem. To counter the Celebrity Matriarchy waiting to take over, we must have an interim plan. Where’s your plan that I’ve already paid for? Steve says, The interim plan is to let Trump be Trump. He’s like a brain blastoma. He’ll eat away at your healthy cells so fast, everything will come down before you even know you’re sick. The Urine Collector kicks the rat cadaver into the corner, and says, Trumpoma. The Whiney Daughter says, What? Daddy! The Urine Collector repeats. Trumpoma. He laughs a dry, hacking laugh. Steve says, Precisely. That’s the plan. And it’s a good one. – Saturday, October 5, 2019