CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, May 4, 2019)
LEXINGTON KY — Mother and I discussed it at length, and we also brought it up with our pastor, who has just returned from a retreat in Las Vegas, and we all firmly believe, this is without question, that the story is false, and that the news media know it is false, but are still reporting it as true. You know, Sarah, I am so honored and grateful to be here. The president has given me everything, every opportunity, he has shown me golden windows, Sarah, and the golden door, and yet they continue to pile on deceit after deceit. They talk about golden rain and golden capes and golden showers. To which I say that you belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. I’ve said that many times, Sarah, and still they persist with these outrageous stories. It is very troubling. I had to consult our pastor about what many of these things mean, and some of them almost stumped him. It is all senseless and destructive, Sarah. Just as the report a week ago that the two discredited FBI agents who are covered with scales were actually conversing about sending a counter-intelligence official during one of my first intelligence briefings, that’s when they were portraying the beast with two backs, Sarah, with two backs! If not three. During my first intelligence briefing! As distasteful as it may be, Sarah, we’ve got to get to the bottom of how all this started. The American people have a right to know how this investigation even began. And as the attorney general said when he testified before Congress, there was spying. What did they want to see? Why were they peeping through the windows and looking in the closets? Why were they under the beds? Mother was so upset that she had our pastor replace her underthings after one of these intrusions. The people that were responsible need to be held accountable. And now this complete falsehood, on top of all the other falsehoods, until the mountain of falsehoods pierces the clouds, Sarah. It must end! I am here for a higher purpose, much higher. And I can assure you, as I can assure the American people, all of them, that Donald J. Trump did not participate in a game of knob touch with Moby or anyone else in 2001. For goodness sake, Donald J. Trump has never played knob touch and certainly does not have a flaccid penis nor does he know anyone who has a flaccid penis. Yet they continue with these outrageous stories, Sarah, outrageous. And we are going to get to the bottom of it, because the president cares about the American people, and they need to know that, as he says, everything is alright down there. — Saturday, May 4, 2019