CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, May 2, 2020)
PRESS GAGGLE BENEATH WHIRLING BLADES OF MARINE ONE
Donald: Hi everybody.
The Press: Hi Mr. President.
Donald: So I’ll be going to Camp David for a working weekend. We’re going to be spending a lot of time with meetings and phone calls and some foreign leaders. So we look forward to that, and we’ll be back very soon.
The Press: The North Korean leader just surfaced at a fertilizer plant in North Korea. Do you know about this? Anything you can tell us about him?
Donald: Yeah, I’d rather not comment on it yet — Kim Jong Un. That’s his name. I know him very well. He’s a great friend of mine. We’ll have something to say about it at the appropriate time. I will say that it’s a fertilizer plant where he surfaced. Not that he surfaced, like floating. But showed up. More like showed up. That’s what they say.
The Press: As a friend to the Brazilian president, would you advise him to support social distancing?
Donald: I think he’s doing a very good job. He’s a great friend of mine. And the president is doing really well in Brazil. We’re very proud of him. Only maybe 7,000 dead. Not bad. There is some talk that the jungle, where these people live, they are jungle dwellers for the most part, that may have something to do with it. They are clearing away trees and bushes and the sunlight is coming in, something that is very good.
The Press: Mr. President, do you know that Kim is alive? Can you at least say that?
Donald: I don’t want to talk about it.
The Press: Are you going to speak with him this weekend?
Donald: I may. We have a very close relationship.
Mr. President: Do you think it’s right for Alex Jones to recommend eating his neighbors to survive the pandemic?
Donald: Alex is a very smart man who’s doing a wonderful job, a tremendous job. He’s very smart and he’s his own man with a very smart mind. We have great meat producers in this country, very patriotic, and they are staying open and producing like never before, in the midst of this terrible disease, and they have told us they are continuing to do that.
Mr. President: Are you going to let Dr. Fauci testify before Congress next week?
Donald: I think that Tony is very dedicated and that he sometimes says things that he believes. I’m going to speak with him and we will make a decision based on what kind of information we’ll provide, which, as you know, is generally the way you do it. We are going to see what happens. We are looking at China,, where the virus some say was made in a lab. That’s what I’ve heard. So we are concerned about that. We’ll see.
The Press: May I ask you a quick question about reopening, Mr. President? A week — a week ago, you said you were not happy with Governor Kemp about opening up in Georgia. While there have been –
Donald: I didn’t say that, John. I said I didn’t like the particular place — a spa, a tattoo parlor. No, no, I think it’s wonderful. I want to see us open safely, but I didn’t like spas and tattoo parlors, and I wasn’t thrilled about that. But I did — I said nothing about Georgia, other than that. I like the states opening. They will be opening. They’re going to open safely and quickly, I hope, because we have to get our country back. Thank you. Thank you.
The Press: Bye bye, Mr. President.