CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, May 18, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Donald is in front of his people, the people who don’t get schlonged, the winners, the land guys, the tower guys, the private equity guys, the guys who write in invisible ink, the bloodsucker guys, the guys who’ve got a deal, who work their burner phones, only the big league people. They are standing and applauding as though he were some Nambia strongman. But he’s not. He’s Donald, their beloved, their strongman, their winner, the guy who schlongs, but is never schlonged himself. Yeah, yeah, there are some of the women, but they are his women, the ones with the boobs and the hair, and the love of the money. Donald basks as the powerful sound of clapping rains down all around, like chirping Benjamins. Later they will all line up to pay their respects. And they’ll pay, all these old bags, because Donald will woo them and then he will schlong them. Every last one. Donald says, Well, thank you very much. I feel like home. Realtors. Realtors. Great business. We love that business. I love that business. Every time I go down in this incredible Beast — you know what the Beast is? The world’s most expensive car. It’s really not a car; it’s an army tank that rides better. The crowd titters. Donald says, But it’s something. But I look at the real estate. I’m always looking at the real estate. I don’t know, I’ll never get it out of my blood. It’s in our blood, right? Please, sit down. Sit down, if you want. Sit down. You know, I tell you to sit down because otherwise they’ll say he got no standing ovations. The crowd roars. The laugh. Donald says, The incredible members of the National Association of REALTORS – a name I know very well. I want to thank my friend. He was my friend – my competitor for a while, but he was still my friend, Secretary Ben Carson, for his tremendous leadership. Where are you? Stand up. He’s a great guy. When I put him in charge of HUD — first of all, he’s a very smart guy, very adaptable. I said, Ben, what do you know about real estate? Not much. How would you like to head HUD? And you know what? Within a — it didn’t take you long, did it, Ben? You still don’t know nothing about real estate, but you got the sharpest office, next to mine, and everybody is talking about it. Thank you, Ben. Great job. Not like the train. Not like the ex-train, the train they aren’t gonna build in the People’s Republic of Berkeley California. The crowd laughs. The crowd cheers. Donald says, You know, it’s obsolete before – if you’re going to do it, you do the bullet train. You do the really fast deal. So it’s obsolete before they start. But they had a way of doing it. They were going to show me – the Governor – a nice guy, a nice, young guy. Talking about forests – clean up your forests; you won’t have forest fires. Clean them up. He blames it on global warming. I said, No, try cleaning the floor of the forest a little bit so you don’t have four feet of leaves and broken trees that have sat there for 25 years. Try cleaning the floor of the forest. You won’t have forest fires. And I got killed for that. It’s called forest management. I got killed for that. And then, about three weeks later, they announced I was right. Because I was out there last year and what I saw was so horrific with some of the fires – so many people killed. The fire was – you talk about bullets, the fire was like a bullet. The train was not a bullet. The train got hit by a bullet like it was in front of me on Fifth Avenue. – Saturday, May 18, 2019