CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, March 16, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Donald collapses into the executive lounge recliner at last, weary but exhilarated after hours of forging a path for America. Hector silently places a coke and some poppers on the side table. There is a knock. Donald says, Come. Mike opens the door and immediately drops to his knees. Oh Sire, he says, we are all so grateful for your courageous words in the wake of New Zealand. Mike crawls across the floor and grabs Donald’s ankle. He begins kissing the area above the spiderweb of varicose veins. Donald says, Rise. You know, Mike, it’s been a very long day. I just want to sit back here and review Rockland in 2017, one of the greatest rallies in the long history of great rallies. Mike says, Majesty, you have put the apostates down and enforced the will of the people to build The Wall. You have cut off the infestation from its roots and we are all so grateful for your cleansing service. But that is hardly all. You have stood tall against the forces of anarchy and chaos the Muslims and the homosexuals are bringing into the world. Donald says, They want to pin it on me, pin it on me, Mike, you know that. But that’s okay. You know, this is a town named Christ Church, Christ Church! Most people don’t know that or they don’t know why. One reason is that it has nothing to do with Muslims. They just appeared out of nowhere, Mike. I didn’t bring them there, to this place, this Christ’s Church. Then the other thing, this guy says he’s inspired by Trump as a symbol of white identity. You know, Mike, I’m white, I’m not some black from the blacks, although I have tremendous support from the blacks, particularly my blacks. Of course I’m white. Why else would I be so fucking rich? But there are all these blacks and a lot of the Muslims who are banned from the United States who support understand and support me. They know why they’ve been banned. They know. And many of them support being banned, you understand. So it’s all ridiculous, more presidential harassment, more hate from all these nonelite Fake News™ operations that nobody reads and which want you to believe that one or two bad apples spoil the barrel. This isn’t a problem, Mike. Do I see it as a threat? I don’t. I don’t really. It’s a small group of people. But it is a terrible thing. It’s terrible they are dragging me into it just because I’m white. It’s not fair. I don’t care. They’ll do what they want. Mike says, Plus, Your Highness, all this killing stuff is from decades ago, it’s from before you were born. Adam, our guy from Illinois, pointed out that if you look at the Holocaust where six million Jews were killed and Hitler basically brought a bunch of people into evil thinking to do what they did, that was way before President Trump. Highness, you were not born! Yet they blame you for the Holocaust. Donald says, I’m not so sure about the Holocaust. Many are saying there are a lot of questions about it. Mike says, Sire, Adam points out that this hate for people whether it’s religion or race has been since the beginning of humanity. This disgusting animal is evil. If President Trump’s language triggered him, that wasn’t President Trump triggering. Sire, your words are not you, your words are invisible, whereas you are not, you are not invisible. I see you right now. Donald says, Thank you, Mike. Cue up Rockland for me, I want to see those bikers again.
— Saturday, March 16, 2019