CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, July 6, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Donald is sprawled on the recliner in the Executive Lounge staring at the dead teevee screen. A pile of Luigi’s Pizza Pie boxes has fallen to the floor and several partly eaten slices are squashed into the rug. A trail of pepperoni snakes around the recliner and disappears into the darkness beyond. A pile of used tissues and wax paper cascades from the side table onto the floor, some stuck to the tabletop on a dried spill of diet Orange Crush. Toward the fridge, several mostly empty cans of pop and Red Bull Yellow Edition are scattered about the garbage can, which is overflowing with fried chicken bones, KFC boxes, McDonald’s paper burger wrappers, plastic spoons and forks, some partially melted, a tray of square tomatoes gone bad with mold, a broken cup, pieces of an old plate, a cellphone painted gold, its back popped off and its screen cracked, a dustpan full of caramel corn, much of it spilling onto the floor, an old can of Reddi-Wip, several pieces of sodden pie crust, the remains of a small animal, wadded paper towels, the insides of a shattered Sega game system, old CVS coupons, a spilling mound of formerly frozen peas, something unrecognizable. Donald is motionless. Without moving he shouts, Hec! Hec! Hector unplugs from his niche toward the rear of the lounge and comes forward. He stands silently before Donald. Donald says, I gave them the greatest show they will ever see. Hector says nothing. Donald says, They wanted guns and tanks, and the invisible bomber and I gave it to them, and they complain because you can see the invisible bomber. What would be the point of a flyover by planes you cannot see? We did that and nobody even noticed. You couldn’t see them. So we did it again with the ones you can see and all they can talk about is the fucking teleprompter. Did they talk about the teleprompter with Obama? They are all such assholes. Assholes, Hec! Hector says nothing. Donald is silent. You know what? Donald says at last. It’s very interesting. After 500 witnesses, 2,500 subpoenas, every single person I know, practically, was called in one form of another – nothing! And I’ll tell you what: Even with the Fake News™ — so Fake it’s not Fake, you know what I mean – not even the Fake News™ could withstand that. They would have found something. If there was a comma put in the wrong place, if there was period in the wrong location, they would have grabbed it. No collusion. No obstruction. After that, it’s almost — it’s amazing. You know what it shows? It shows I’m a very honest guy. Hec says nothing. There is something moving near the garbage can. Donald looks. He says, Hec, get me something to eat. I’m starving and I’m wasting, wasting away. – Saturday, July 6, 2019