CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, July 18, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald is in the Executive Lounge, sprawled on the recliner, his wrapper fallen open. Jare is on the phone. Small, flightless insects are congregating on the Surge spilled across Donald’s exposed boxers. Donald brushes some away and picks out others to nibble on. He says, So she’s an illegal mess who will pay along with her puppets Biden and Obama and… There is a knock the door. Donald tells Jare, Get the those Vet camps ready. I gotta go. He hangs up. Come, he says. The door to the lounge swings open and Mike flops in on his belly carrying some papers in his mouth. He drops them on the floor. Oh Sire! Mike says. Your radiance beams me into the highest of clouds! Only Mother, who is sheltering in place with our pastor at the Encore Spa in Las Vegas, can uplift me with anything like your power! She has learned so much from our pastor! Donald says, What is it? I am extremely busy. Mike eyes Donald’s slippered foot. He says, Magnificence, the Great Toe Cleansing Ritual, as outlined in Numbers 8: 5-7 suggests that we have erred. We have not sprinkled you with the purifying water, nor have we taken a razor over your whole body. Mike, Donald says, get the fuck up. You’re no Levite. We used the Sobe for the water, don’t you remember? And I say skip the razor for the time being. Go out and find yourself somebody to practice up on with the razor. We got a load of scum from Portland in today, you can experiment on them. Or here is an even better idea, there is a woman, nasty, nasty woman who is writing all kinds of lies about me and you and all the loyal people who just want to live their lives free from thugs and anarchists, nasty woman, vicious, who is going on the teevee and spreading her lies and hoaxes, and this Anderson Cooper on the Fake News™ and even Wallace on Fox, they’ve put her and her lies on the air, terrible for ratings, nobody’s heard of her and her fake stuff, taken out of a book that’s been written for her by somebody because she couldn’t write it herself, she doesn’t even know me, and she writes a book, which is all bullshit, because, which, you know, and I have written a dozen books, a dozen, 15, and all you need to do is read those, book after book, and they are really good books, great books, that I wrote, she didn’t write them, I did and it’s not like the shit she writes, and so, it’s me, and everyone knows it, okay. Mike says, Oh Most High, you are exalted beyond the big imagination of our most powerful imaginers, and as we rise up as a people and destroy the evil that is spreading everywhere each act of cleansing and destruction makes you that much greater, and there is no limit to your leadership and greatness, which we have all learned as more and more of this great nation is cleansed of the abject and the dark, the sinners, the criminals, the nonconformers, those with strange proclivities, those who do not listen, the so-called science people, and assorted others. We have the so-called portraits of Clinton and W. Shall we place them in the burning room? Donald says, Yes. Bring out the ones of Teddy and the fat guy, and maybe the one of the guy who came after Honest Abe, as we call him. And get out of here. I am very, very busy. – July 18, 2020