CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, February 16, 2019)
WASHINGTON — Stephen says, You’ve got tremendous power, no question, and it’s a simple thing you’re doing, that only you can do. You will do it and they will not. We’re gonna lock it up and lock them up. We’re working on the tribunals. Donald says, Pass over the remote, will ya, Stevie. Only I am willing to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. Under my predecessor, the last one, we coddled. Everybody knows that. Coddled and rewarded. Rewarded the bad hombres. Coddled the rapists. Ignored the angel moms. Donald fast forwards. Here it is, he says, here I really stick it to him. Donald appears on the teevee in the Rose Garden. He says, Last year, 70,000 Americans were killed at least—I think the number is ridiculously low. Donald pauses the teevee. He says, How can it be only 70,000 dead? There’s gotta be more. Is that the most? I don’t think so. Find out the real number. You can probably find it on the black web, where they have all the credit cards and guns, find it, okay. Donald resumes the teevee. He says, —by drugs including meth and heroin and cocaine, fentanyl. Now one of the things that I did with President Xi in China when I met him in Argentina at a summit before I started talking about the trade—it was a trade meeting, it went very well, we talked about the trade. But before I talked about the trade I talked about something more important. I said, Listen, we have tremendous amounts of fentanyl coming into our country, kills tens of thousands of people, I think far more than anybody registers. And I’d love you to declare it a lethal drug and put it on your criminal list. And their criminal list is much tougher than our criminal list. Their criminal list, a drug dealer gets a thing called the death penalty. Our criminal list a drug dealer gets a thing called—how about a fine. And when I asked President Xi, I said, You have a drug problem? He said, No, no, no. I said, You have 1.4 billion people, what do you mean you have no drug problem? No, we don’t have a drug problem. I said, Why? He said, Death penalty. We give death penalty to people that sell drugs. End of problem. What do we do? We set up blue-ribbon committees, lovely men and women. They sit around the table. They have lunch, they eat, they dine, and they waste a lot of time. So if we want to get smart, we can get smart. You can end the drug problem. You can end it a lot faster than you think. So President Xi has agreed to put fentanyl on his list of deadly, deadly drugs. And it’s a criminal penalty and the penalty is death. So that’s frankly one of the things I’m most excited about. Donald pauses the teevee. Stephen says, It’s exciting. No one can say it isn’t exciting. No one. And you can do that. We are working on it. We are working on what needs to be done. We’re going to block the communists in California from being able to sue. We’re gonna take the money from these irrelevant army programs that the generals don’t care about, nobody cares about, and we’re going to give it to you, and that wall will be up so fast! The gun installations are going to be fully operational before these people even know what hit em! Donald says, And Barr-Barr is running the show now. He takes direction. Stephen says, No one is going to fuck with us. Donald says, They try to pull shit with us, we’re going to introduce them to President Xi. Hello, goodbye. Outa here, assholes. Stephen says, We are going to have everyone sealed in by the end of the year. Donald says, Hey, let’s watch my ride on the escalator down. Remember that? What a day!
— Saturday, Feb. 16, 2019