CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, February 1, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Bob sits at the bar. He’s wearing a Bob button and tells the guy next to him, I got rid of her. The guy next to him takes a long pull on his Colonel E.H. Taylor, Jr. and smacks his lips. That’s might fine, mighty fine, he says. What’d you say pal? Bob finishes off his shot. He says, I got rid of her. On the teevee the Senate reaches its final vote against calling impeachment witnesses. The bar applauds. There are whistles. A fellow down the bar says, Let’s get going! Lots of people take pictures of the teevee screen, memorializing the moment. Bob says, We tracked her and we shut her down. Another shot, bartender. The guy next to him says, Hey, aren’t you the guy who surveilled that ambassador? Bob picks up his shot and downs it. He says, The one and only. We had her frigging surrounded. We had drones on her. We had a band of investigators I pulled together for Rudy. We were all over her. Got rid of her. Another shot, bartender. There is another round of applause from the Trump International patrons, doing business at the bar. Bob downs his shot. He says, Here’s a campaign button. He hands a button to the guy next to him. The guy says, This button says, Call Bill for all your towing needs. Bob says, Wrong button. He takes it back and passes another to the guy. The guy says, Hey aren’t you in decorating or something. Bob says, Landscaping. I dig dirt. The guy says, Hey, you know, I got a client down Mercer County way in beautiful West Virginia. You probably know the area. It’s near the Pocahontas Field, you know, the Flat Top-Pocahontas Field. It’s Donald’s favorite field. He’s always talking about it. Bob says, Beautiful place. Beautiful state. The guy says, So this client, hell of a guy, great guy, he’s got some mounds of dirt he’s gotta move. Obama gave him a real hard time. You’re in landscaping, right. Bob downs another shot. Right, he says. The guy says, You probably got a lot of need for dirt. Bob says, Oh yeah. We always need the dirt. The guy says, Maybe we could work out a deal for my client’s dirt, genuine Pocahontas dirt. Wouldn’t cost you nothing much. My guy would pay for getting it out of the concrete superbunkers. He’d pay for loading it into the haz-mat box cars and moving it up to, where? Connecticut, right? Bob says, Yeah. I’m working on a big contract for playgrounds in Bridgeport, Milford, and West New Haven, working on Waterbury and Torrington. Need lots of dirt. Lots of playgrounds. The guy says, Oh, we got lots and lots of dirt – those superbunkers are huge. EPA used to get their panties in a bunch over em, but Donald’s taken care of that. So we got a lot of great dirt we can move. You may have to do a little cleaning if you want, or not – it’s up to you. Spritz or something. Bleach. Won’t cost much. Bob lists a little on the bar stool. There are more cheers behind him as the teevee shows Mitch with a smirk. The guy says, Well at least that nonsense is over and we can all get back to work. Bob, a bit wobbly, says, Yeah. The guy says, We got a deal? Bob says, To Donald. He lifts his shot glass. – Saturday, February 1, 2020