CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, December 28, 2019)
NEW YORK – The Times guy pushes into the Subway Inn and sees the Post guy sitting at the bar. Hey, he says, walking over, join you? The Post guy nods. The Times guy says, You see Donald tweeted a pic of dog poop last night? The Post guy shakes his head. What a year, he says. Is this all nuts or what? The Times guy says, Yeah. You hear that Donald is now saying Crazy Nancy and her son, Paul, are in cahoots with Sleepy Joe and Hunter on the Ukraine scam? The Times guy says, No. You’re kidding, of course. He pauses. He says, No. Of course you’re not kidding. The Post guy says, Not kidding. Donald calls it big stuff. The Times guy says, Bigger than than Hurricane Dorian sweeping into Alabama? Remember that? The Post guy says, Oh yeah. It blew away all the caravans of marauders heading to the southern border. Donald imagined caravan, in more ways than one. Remember that? Donald says, Caravan was his best invented word since Fake News. The Times guy says, I think those caravans had to be diverted by the bald eagle graveyards around the wind farms, though. No, says the Post guy, those people all died of ear cancer and piled up like bags of soy beans. The chosen one declined to resurrect. The Times guy says, We could have shipped them all to Greenland if we owned it. The Post guy says, We tried to buy, they weren’t selling. The Times guy says, I thought the Squad stepped in and led a pilgrimage back to the totally broken and crime-infested places from which they came. The Post guy says, Yeah, but they couldn’t cross the gater-packed moat. He sighs. They fall silent. The Times guy said, Hey, you know the whistleblower got everything wrong, of course. The Post guy shakes his head. Yeah, he didn’t say nothing about Joe and Hunter. Just talked about the shakedown by the president. The Times guy says nothing for a moment. Yeah, he finally says, and he didn’t mention anything about Nancy and her son being in on it. They are quiet again as the bar becomes increasingly raucous and a subway train shakes the ground. Or maybe it’s not a subway. Could be even bigger. – Saturday, December 28, 2019