CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, December 22, 2018)
Timmy and Sarah press against the wall outside the cabinet room and listen at the door. Rick and Ben are sitting at the conference table. Rick says, Where is everybody? Where’s Rex? He looks over rows of empty chairs. Ben leans back, closes his eyes, and clasps his hands over his chest. He is silent for a long while, deep in thought. Then he says, I don’t know. Rick says, Where’s Jimbo? Where’s Scotty? Ben is silent, eyes half closed. He says, That’s a very interesting question. It’s the kind of question I used to ask the neighbors when I was robbing them back in the day. They didn’t know then and I don’t know now. Rick, you need to ask a higher power. Rick says, Kelly would know. Where’s he? Ben lurches as if awakened by a sharp noise. He settles back. Betsy wonders in, looks around, and leaves. Rick says, What’s his name would know. Where’s he? Ben says nothing. Rick says, Ryan, I mean. Ben is still silent. Wilbur walks in. He says to Rick, Hey Rick, I have just stumbled on the most amazing investment opportunity. Amazing. You want to double your money in less than two weeks? And keep doubling it? Again, in less than two weeks? Rick says, Absolutely! But how am I gonna do that? Wibur says, Okay. It’s very simple, you go and withdraw, say, 100 grand from your bank account and put it in an envelope, okay? Rick says, I’m following you so far. Wilbur says, Okay, then I put an equal amount of money in an envelope. You give me your envelope. Hey, you know the app store? Rick says, Yeah! You buy apps there. Wilbur says, Right. My guy has an investment app and we are getting in on the ground floor. You give me your envelope and I take…. A bald headed man hurriedly enters the room, interrupting Wilbur. It is Matt. Matt says, Listen up you guys! He wants Mueller’s head! He’s refusing to eat unless we bring him Mueller’s head on a platter! He’s holding his breath and turning red as a red cherry! Ben opens his eyes. He says, So? Matt says, Somebody’s gotta be the adult in the room. Rick says, Why? We have a lotta stuff to do. Matt says, Listen to me. He’s yelling at me. He said he was sorry he picked me to be AG. Wilbur says, Hey Matt, forget that. Wilbur pulls a piece of paper from his pocket. Hey, listen, he says, I’ve got this wire transfer waiting for me, but I gotta get over to Bethesda and see my fatally ill grandmother who only has a few hours to live. Why don’t you take this wire transfer and give me the cash, straight up? I haven’t got time to go to the bank. Grammy’s only got another 17 minutes and I can get there in a cab. Rick says, Hey, that looks like the wire transfer you gave to me yesterday. What’s going on here? Matt says, I’m not giving you any money. Rick stands up and says, This is fishy. He bellies up to Wilbur. Matt pushes Wilbur. You want money? he says. You want some dough? Mr. Money Bags? You want money? He pushes Wilbur again. Rick pushes Matt and then Wilbur who is now backed to the wall. Ben opens his eyes. He claps his hands. He says, People. People! Settle down. Everybody sit down. Heads on the conference table.
— Saturday, Dec. 22, 2018