CSI: American Carnage (Saturday, April 4, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald is slumped on the Executive Lounge recliner, diet coke in one hand, cell in the other. He’s teleconferencing with Stephen, who is in his apartment in his underwear. Donald says, You know the quarantine is voluntary, like I said on the show. Stephen coughs and says, Absolutely. I’ll be in as soon as I catch my breath. Donald says, Good. I’m putting on a rerun of tonight’s show. We had some very special guests, and I completely wrecked the Oriental from CBS, they are so bad, they are completely, perfectly failing, they are failing, Steverino, failing very badly, which they should be. Stephen says, Are you talking about how you dismissed that Weijia girl? Because she may be a spreader. I saw the show. It was on of your best. Donald says, I know, here is the good part. Donald hits the remote, Weija is asking a question. She says, Yesterday, Jared Kushner said the notion of the federal stockpile was, it’s supposed to be “our” stockpile. It’s not supposed to be state stockpiles that they then use. What did he mean by “our”? Donald says, Well, why don’t you ask him? Weija continues, And even the fact that taxpayers from every state pays for it… Donald interrupts: What’s that? A gotcha? I gotcha. You used the word “our.” Weija says, No, it’s not a gotcha. What did he mean by it? Donald snorts, Our — you know, what our means? United States of America. That’s what it means. Weija seeks clarification. She says, So it means the states? Donald bends over the podium. He says, Our. Our. It means the United States of America. And then we take that our and we distribute it to the states. Weija seeks more clarity. She says, So why did he say it’s not supposed … Donald interrupts and says, Not that we have to … Weija goes on … to be state stockpiles that they then can use? Donald says, Because we need it for the government and we need it for the federal government. Weija asks, To give to the states? Donald says, But when the states are in trouble. No. To also keep. Weija tries again. She says, Then who are you giving to if it’s not to the states? Donald ignores her and says, To keep, to keep for our country, because the federal government needs it too, not just the states. But out of that, we oftentimes choose, as an example, we have almost 10,000 ventilators and we are ready to rock with those ventilators. We’re going to bring them to various areas of the country that need them. But when he says our, he’s talking about our country. He’s talking – Weija says, But he makes the distinction. Donald says, Excuse me. He’s talking about the federal government. I mean, it’s such a basic, simple question, and you try and make it sound so bad. Weija says, It’s not bad. I’m just trying to… Donald squints. He’s found the show’s mark, this foolish, nasty woman, this so-called reporter. He will make her a star. He says, You ought to be — you ought to be ashamed of yourself.You know what? You ought to be ashamed. It’s such a simple question. He said our. And our means for the country and our means for the states. Weija tries again. She says, But then he said it’s not supposed to be state stockpiles. Donald says, Because the states are part of the country. Don’t make it sound bad. Don’t make it sound bad. Go ahead, Steve. Go ahead, back here. Donald points. Weija says, But, Mr. President, the HHS even changed the language on the website. Donald brushes her off. He says, You just asked your question. You just asked your question in a very nasty tone. Weija says, I don’t think it was nasty. Donald looks over her head. He says, Let’s go. Weija says, I think you didn’t give me an answer. Donald looks at her with complete contempt. He says, Please. I gave you a perfect answer. You know it. Go ahead. We’re not an ordering clerk. Donald hits pause. Stephen slumps back. Beautiful, he says. She had no answer. — Saturday, April 4, 2020