CSI: American Carnage (Monday, October 28, 2019)
WASHINGTON – Hec, Hec! Donald shouts from the recliner. Give me a hand here, I can’t get up with all this stuff everywhere. Place needs to be swept. Hec! There is a whir from the far corner, beyond the fridge. Hector unplugs, makes his way past the mounting debris and walks over to Donald, who is reaching for the remote on the floor with a bad list to the right. Hector reaches down, picks up the remote, hands it to Donald, and then rights him centered dead on the teevee monitor. Donald says, It’s about time you were back here. I don’t know what they’re doing down in maintenance. Hector says nothing. Donald says, Okay. Dismissed. Hector turns around and slots into Port No. One, located beyond the teevee in the Executive Lounge sitting room. There is a knock on the door. Donald says, Come. The door swings open and Mike fishtails in, moving quickly along the floor. He squiggles up to Donald’s right foot and says, Oh Sire! Most Magnificent High Commander of All the Forces Commanding the Sea and the Sand. I bring you greetings from Blair House, which you, in your expansive generosity have allowed Mother and I to occupy with the Bunny and the Dog and the Cat. Donald says, You come at the right moment, Mike, I have something to show you. Mike says, Do you wish to experience the toe ritual? Donald looks down at his feet. He says, In a minute, I want to show you the edit of the Baghdadi raid. Mike says, May I rise? Donald nods at the side chair, piled with last night’s snacks, some old EWs used to soak up a spilled Sobe Adrenaline Rush, and multiple empty boxes of Adderall. Mike sits on the edge of the chair as Donald punches the remote. Donald, appearing on the teevee with cables strewn across the table and several men in uniform, says, So this is a bad guy? You pulled me from the 8th hole for this? A general unease ripples around the table. Donald pauses the teevee and shouts, Hec! Hector whirs into action, unplugs and approaches Donald. He rolls over a pile of dishes on the floor, but nothing breaks. Donald says, Edit out the intro before this is released. Hector nods and retreats. Mike says, Highness! It is extraordinary that they pulled you in for this, away from your beloved 8th hole. Donald says, Mike. Mike. If not for this, what? Look at the next part. The teevee resumes. Donald in his suit says, We flew very, very low and very, very fast, and they had the gunfire terminated immediately, meaning they were shot from the air ships. They didn’t know from the internet, even though they use the internet better than almost anybody in the world, perhaps other than Donald Trump. And that’s why he died like a dog, he died like a coward. He was whimpering, screaming and crying. He didn’t die a hero. He died a coward: crying, whimpering, screaming and bringing three kids with him to die. Our K9, as they call — I call it a dog, a beautiful dog, a talented dog — was injured and brought back, but we had no soldier injured. And as I said, they brought body parts back with them, et cetera, et cetera. There wasn’t much left. The vest blew up, but there are still substantial pieces that they brought back. We have them for you to see and to photograph. We had nobody even hurt. That’s why the dog was so great. He was an animal. And he was a gutless animal. Donald pauses the teevee. He says to Mike, The toes now. I need the toes. – Monday, October 28, 2019