CSI: American Carnage (Monday, November 19, 2018)
Harrison AR. This is Ghett DiPhax, your eyes and ears on the ground for everyone out there in WWTF-AM-land. It’s a chilly day here. We’re at Rita’s Truck Stop and Red State Nesting Center where the early morning javahounds are all hunched over a cuppa joe and talking politics. The question here is what happened to the touted “Blue Wave.” Where’d it go? Sir, did you see any evidence of a “Blue Wave”? A man in MAGA hat stops staring at the counter and looks at Ghett. He says, Huh? Ghett says, You voted in the midterms, correct? The man says, You bet I did. The president has done a tremendous job. He deserves the support of all Americans. Ghett says, But the president wasn’t on the ballot. The man says, I pretended he was. That’s what the president told us to do – pretend he was on the ballot. So’s when I went in there to vote I had no problem, I pulled the lever for Donald J. Trump, man of the friggin people. Anyways, here in Boone County, we always vote for Republicans. You could run a dead man and we’d go for him. We’d vote for Count Dracula if we was a registered Republican. Last time we saw somebody wearing blue, me and the boys, we just laughed. Then we run her out of the county. We don’t like blue. No blue here buster. What’d you say your name was? Ghett says, Ghett. Well, Ghett, this so-called Blue Wave don’t mean doggy doodoo in Arkansas. With Hillary out there still kicking around, and Vince rolling in his grave, we need the president. Plus the invaders bringing their M13s into the country and the Iranian Muslims they got there. Ghett says, What’s your name? The man says, Jim, but most people call me Jim. Ghett says, Well Jim, we’re here at Rita’s Truck Stop and Red State Nesting Center to gauge the strength of the Blue Wave. Now some of the pointy heads in Washington and New York say… Jim says, You can stop right there. Those boys in New York and in Washington wouldn’t know a truck stop if it drove right over em. They gotta be led in here, like little puppy dogs. So they come in, thanks to Lulu, the country clerk, she sends em all here; you must be the 76th or 77th reporter come into Rita’s asking the same doggone questions about who we voting for, and we tell em the same thing we told em six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, 32 months ago, we tell em, we say, The president. We vote for the president. Ghett says, Thanks Jim. We appreciate it. Jim says, Y’all come back now, ya hear. Ghett leaves and stands outside Rita’s. He says, There you have it folks. Not only did Claire McCaskill go down in flames, but Boone County, as typical a county as any in Arkansas, which is as typical a state as any in the United States, is solid Republican. Asa, we are with you, is the word here. The Blue Wave, much talked about by the New York media doesn’t mean much when you get out to real America, no matter what the pointy heads say. This is Ghett DiPhax, live, outside Harrison’s one and only Rita’s in beautiful Boone County.
— Monday, Nov. 19, 2018