CSI: American Carnage (Monday, May 11, 2020)
WASHINGTON – Donald is slumped in the recliner staring at the teevee in the Executive Lounge. On the screen is a message: Mike wants to join the meeting. Donald picks up the remote, clicks it, and Mike’s face appears. Donald unmutes him. Oh, Sire, Mike says. Your abounding radiance completes the day as the sun completes the blue waste of the sky, denuding it of all the crawling things that they have spit into the air to stop the unstoppable advance of your forward motion but which rain back down like water from the sky. Oh, Magnificence, I bring you good news. Donald tightens his wrapper and sips a Zap-a-Rama Enhanced Peach-Mocha Cobbler. He says, Speak. Mike says, I have received the word from the great doctor, Mikovits. She says that her vetted paper, The Role of the Cloth Mask in the Accelerated Spread of the Invisible Enemy, is under revision, thanks to the new information we’ve provided under your leadership. She says, there are multiple ties, infamous ties, Majesty, between Obama and the spread of this Enemy, which began, more or less, with the effort to force Gen. Flynn to lie to me and to federal agents and to admit to multiple federal felonies and to point investigators to other crimes, both here and abroad. Donald says, Of course there are multiple ties. Didn’t the Obama say that Flynn was rotten? Mike says, Oh, my liege, these are scientifically imprimateured! Donald says, It’s the biggest political crime in American history, by far! What does she say about Fauci? Fauci was up to his neck in ebola and now the Enemy. Mike says, She says she has not completely unraveled the Fauci puzzle yet. Donald explodes. What! he says. Not unraveled? Mike says, Greatest of All Suns, Light of the World, she says, yet. She hasn’t completely unraveled it — yet. Mother and our Pastor, who are sheltering in place at the Canyon Ranch Spa in Vegas, are completely convinced that she will get to the bottom of the Fauci puzzle. There may be some HIV/AIDS elements in the plot, they argue. You know, of course, that seeds of the enemy can be found in the semen of infected men, which gives them all the more reason to masturbate and rid the body of the corruption. Obama is insidious! Our pastor says the key may lie in Kenya, but Dr. Mikovits, who holds multiple degrees from multiple prestigious institutions of scientific learning, is not so sure. That’s a loose end she seems unwilling to sign off on just yet. But the main point, Sire, is that the Obama-FBI role in the Flynn perjury accusation and its ties to the coronavirus origins are now clear. And, Highness, I know you’ll be pleased by this – our doctor says that Xi and the Chinese had nothing to do with it. This is all the FBI and Obama. Who else, she points out, would have the abundance of resources and the ethical dearth? Donald says, That’s what I’ve been telling Barr. Mike says, She also says that the Russians have been a great help in sorting all this out. Quite a different story than what you hear on the teevee. Mike falls silent. Donald lies back in the recliner. He says, OBAMAGATE! This is the red herring! This is the red flag. This is the red line. This is the reddest of all the reds! This has got blood all over its hands. Obama! Mike, this man is a very bad man. Get Stephen to write it up. We need it out there as soon as possible! Mike says, It is done, Sire. His image blinks out on the teevee. Donald settles back and closes his eyes. The mold behind the polycarbonate shield in the rear half of the Executive Lounge continues to grow. But Donald knows the shield will not break. – Monday, May 11, 2020